Who has got the cure for the sit-at-home blues? Ask Dr Grabthar. Now with bigger, easier to read font!

Thursday, January 19, 2006

[Sport] Face Value

GM Doug writes:

Regards Superbowl indicators follow the rule of QB Fisherman Beards.

When taking the Steelers to the bowl Neil O'Donnell started to look as if he was lost at sea 6 days out of 7 and then was lost on the field in the big game.

There's a few others similar who grow a beard during the final weeks and play off push. But I think a check of Superbowl winning QBs demonstrate that a clean shaven (or only slight stubble) QB wins more often if not always.

He may have something there. Though in the last round of play-off games Bearded Ben beat Hairless Peyton and Jake the Hairy Snake beat Tom “I play in a stadium named after a razor so I had better shave” Brady.

So the rule of QB Fisherman Beards applies only to the Superbowls. The reason could be that Superbowls are generally played in warmer climes where a beard just becomes scratchy and annoying.

But now, as with the rule of ‘tached coaches, we face the possibility of a bearded QB (Ben Roethlisbeger or Jake Plummer) winning the Superbowl. Though they can’t both be there, it will be a Superbowl of the wild and woolly QBs of the AFC versus the clean cut smooth chins of the NFC.

Exciting times! I expect that following the championship games certain coaches and QBs to run to their local barber and request the closest possible shave available. But with the bye week there's plenty of time for players to grow all kinds of crazy facial hair.

After this weekend I will make the world’s first ever facial hair-based Superbowl prediction! Be prepared!

Also for those wondering why this blog is called Grabthar’s Hammer, here is the roll call of the Pantheon of Football Gods created by Gregg Easterbrook and his readers:

Set and Hut, twin Egyptian gods of pre-snap cadence and false starts.

Lambo, god of cold games, who wreaks vengeance upon teams whose coaches over-dress in ridiculous K2 parkas in bad weather.

Mozen, god of balanced attacks -- the word means "balance" in Chaldaean

Nike be the god of marketing. Nike communicates her commands through commercials during the Super Bowl, her feasting day.

Nortia, goddess of quarterbacks. "She is depicted as a vain young woman always with a mirror close at hand." "Nortia is popular because of her beauty, and does not like to admit she depends on her brother Bardok, god of offensive lines. Bardok is a forgotten god with few followers."

Fumblius, bumbling little brother of the football gods: "Even though no one invites him when the football gods gather, he always seems to show up anyway."

Tundra, spirit of frozen turf. He empowers teams with strong running games and is locked in eternal struggle with the capricious Westcoast, who smiles occasionally on pass-wacky teams, but whose favor is tenuous.

Fielding, god of clumsy tactics.

The chorus of the football gods is headed by John Facenda, deep-throated narrator who was known as "the voice of god" in the old NFL Films productions that dominated the era before ESPN's NFL Primetime.

The cheerleader deities are the sisters Sheer and Micro.

Quetzalfootbatl, pronounced "qwatch-EL-football," god of wide receivers. Quetzalfootbatl is bigheaded, prone to stunts and actually believes he is open on every play.

Lambasthor, god of halftime tirades by coaches.

The chief god of the football gods is Grabthar, who looks down with disdain on practically everything that's happened to the game since he ascended.

“By Grabthar’s Hammer you will be avenged” is also is also a line from the very under-rated Galaxy Quest which I recommend you see.

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