[General] Zen

Haikus are used to communicate a timeless message often achieving a wistful, yearning and powerful insight through extreme brevity — the essence of Zen.

Here are some Haikus that could be used to replace Microsoft error messages. I hope you find these as funny as I do (thanks to Snopes.com)

Your file was so big.
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.

The Web site you seek
Cannot be located, but
Countless more exist.

Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.

Program aborting:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask far too much.

Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.

Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.

First snow, then silence.
This thousand-dollar screen dies
So beautifully.

With searching comes loss
And the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found.

The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao-until
You bring fresh toner.

Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.

A crash reduces
Your expensive computer
To a simple stone.

Three things are certain:
Death, taxes and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.

You step in the stream,
But the water has moved on.
This page is not here.

Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.

Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.

Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

Speaking of which...

[Sport] Caps and Drafts

April 29 is the NFL Draft.

Here is the draft order from NFL.com

	Team	Record	Strength of Schedule
1	Houston Texans	2-14	.535
2	New Orleans Saints	3-13	.523
3	Tennessee Titans	4-12	.512
4	New York Jets	4-12	.527
5	Green Bay Packers	4-12	.531
6	San Francisco 49ers	4-12	.539
7	Oakland Raiders	4-12	.539
8	Buffalo Bills	5-11	.500
9	Detroit Lions	5-11	.504
10	Arizona Cardinals	5-11	.508
11	St. Louis Rams	6-10	.484
12	Cleveland Browns	6-10	.508
13	Baltimore Ravens	6-10	.523
14	Philadelphia Eagles	6-10	.531
15	Atlanta Falcons	8-8	.492
16	Miami Dolphins	9-7	.457
17	Minnesota Vikings	9-7	.484
18	Dallas Cowboys	9-7	.523
19	San Diego Chargers	9-7	.559
20	Kansas City Chiefs	10-6	.504
21	New England Patriots	10-6	.508
22	Washington Redskins	10-6	.539
23	Tampa Bay Buccaneers	11-5	.449
24	Cincinnati Bengals	11-5	.477
25	New York Giants	11-5	.492
26	Chicago Bears	11-5	.457
27	Carolina Panthers	11-5	.449
28	Jacksonville Jaguars	12-4	.465
29	Denver Broncos	13-3	.500
30	Indianapolis Colts	14-2	.457
31	Seattle Seahawks	13-3	.430
32	Pittsburgh Steelers	11-5	.492

The Raiders and the 49ers flipped a coin to see who would draft first. The 49ers won. Just as an aside, this will be the lowest that the Patriots have drafted since 2002 when they also had the 21^st pick and took TE Daniel Graham (the first pick that year was QB David Carr). [CORRECTION: in 2003 New England had pick #13 through a trade and took DE Ty Warren]

Speaking of brilliant systems that make the NFL the greatest money-making professional sports competition in the world, the Warriors are still in hot water over salary cap breaches in the Australian NRL competition. So, naturally, people are calling for the cap to be scrapped. These people are idiots.

The NRL has had two major breaches of the cap in the past four years (in 2002 the Bulldogs were stripped of competition points after major breaches were discovered during the season. The Warriors need to be penalised but should not be docked points especially because the breaches are for the 2005 season.

Why would you want to get rid of a tool that has made the NRL into a very competitive tournament? In the last eight years the NRL has had seven different winners! No, we can’t have that, how horrible.

Rugby’s Super 12 competition (which is the closest rugby equivalent) had three different winners in ten years! Unsurprisingly there is no salary cap or player sharing in the Super 12 (nor the Super 14).

The salary cap, draft and free agency system means that teams can be incredibly competitive (as I have ranted and ranted about on this blog for many pages before). All the NRL needs is a completely transparent system of player payments. And I mean transparent. It needs to be public record. The players also have to be aware if the club is doing anything dodgy to pay them, because no player wants to be the one in the middle of a scandal.

Get rid of the salary cap: ridiculous. Send the players involved to bottom ranked teams on the offending team’s money: ridiculous. Just live with it and punish those who don’t comply.

Speaking of all of this (at this point I should say that I am just rambling and free associating this post) the NFL may have an uncapped season in 2007. This will throw the NFL into turmoil. Owners are the only ones who will win in the deal. Fans definitely won’t.

That’ll do. Please check out my podcast for more sports related stuff.

[General] I Think, Therefore iPod

On the Onion AV Club today they interviewed a bunch of musicians and comedians by telling them to put their iPods onto shuffle and explain the songs that came up. [They also did Five Truly Useful Websites which is invaluable.]

I thought this was really interesting and so did it to myself for a blog post. Here are the results.

1. They Call it the Blues – Elton John
   I was brought up on Elton John. My first concert was his when One tour came to Auckland. I’ve always liked his sound (with the exception of the sappy 90’s stuff). I tend to differ from my parents in this respect. I like his early stuff from when he was hanging out with The Who rather than when he was hanging out with Anastacia. So the iPod has a lot of Elton, also me and my girlfriend like to belt out his tunes while we drive
2. Wild America – Iggy Pop
   “…and his butch girlfriend who I thought was a man”. I’ll level with you. This is the first time I have heard this song on my iPod because I have only just loaded my new copy of A Million in Prizes. I’m new to the whole Iggy Pop experience but have thrown myself in with gusto.
3. Lump – Presidents of the USA
   I love this album. Kick out the Jams is high up on my favourite songs of all time. Lump was the first single from the PUSA and you can’t help but like it (like all of the other songs on the album). It’s just fun rock!
4. As Ugly As I Seem – The White Stripes
   Not my favourite song off Get Behind Me Satan (that goes to Denial Twist). Like Iggy Pop I discovered the White Stripes late, like a year or so before Elephant. So I’m still catching up.
5. Star 69 – REM
   I’m a big REM fan. I got Monster in fifth form the day it came out. I loved it from the first play (though I seem to be the only one for some reason) and this is my favourite song. The lyrics are reverbed over the top of one another so that individual words are practically indistinguishable. This song is amazing live and I have been lucky enough to see it twice now.
6. Riverhead – Goldenhorse
   The title track off a great kiwi album. My interest in Goldenhorse has waned somewhat after they were seen EVERYWHERE. Free concerts, festivals, etc etc. Luckily I saw them at Bodega before the went all “mainstream” (ho ho)
7. Karma (unplugged) – Alicia Keys
   I like Alicia Keys. She is an amazing singer with real talent not like some other Grammy winners. This is from her Unplugged album which I got for Christmas. Her voice is so polished though that it may as well be a studio recording.
8. First Time – Hollie Smith
   Wow, more RnB/Soul. Hollie is another great singer though, as we discussed at Splore, she needs to talk (and swear) less during live performances.
9. Going Home – Feelstyle
   The third local act in my ten, awesome. I say local but Feelstyle is originally from Samoa. This is one of his English tracks but is about going back to the islands. I am such a white-boy hip-hop fan, but that seems to be becoming mare and more acceptable these days.
10. Kids – Kylie Minogue and Robbie Williams
    Et tu iPod? This is one of the Kylie Minogue songs that lie within my music collection (there are a few Robbie Williams tracks as well but not as many). I like Kylie for two reasons. One: She sings some damn infectious tunes. Two: She is HOT!

This is kind of fun and I recommend it to any other blogger with time to kill.

ps. I'm quite proud of this post's title (though I imagine that someone else thought of it first)

[General] SPLORE

What is Splore?

Splore is a three day (February 17-19) music and art festival. It was run for a few years then disappeared but now it is back. It used to be held on the west coast south of Auckland (just outside of Waiuku) this year it was held in Tapapakanga Regional Park, 72km southeast of Auckland on the edge of the Firth of Thames. This meant a flat ocean/harbour to swim in and a very beautiful location. It was clear blue skies the whole time we were there and the heat was blazing and intense. There were more people with their shirts off than on.

The whole thing was really relaxed too. This was probably due in equal parts to the large number of mild recreational chemicals in use, the blazing hot sun and the large numbers of families with kids running around.

Then there was the art. My photos are mostly of the art. There was an art trail with all kinds of interesting installation pieces and art just scattered around making the place look interesting.

Here is the Flickr photostream for the “Splore” tag. My ones are there, rather than try and put them in the blog. [UPDATE: I relented and put in my favourite photo]

We (Amy, Jane, Caro and I) decided to go after seeing a poster in the middle of last year. We couldn’t believe the awesome list of artists. Here are a few of them in no particular order:

Whirimako Black & Russel Walder; Ladi 6; Nomad; Cuban Brothers; Talib Kweli featuring Jean-Grae; Module/Rhian Sheehan; The Nextmen; Turnaround DJs; Sugarlicks; Little Bushman; Max Maxwell & Carmel Courtney; Hollie Smith; Sola Rosa; Kora; Fat Freddy's Drop; Hexstatic; Axis of Weevil; Pitch Black; Philippa; Baitercell & Bex Riley Dubhead; Olmecha Supreme; dDub; Golden Horse.

We saw as many of the bands as we could fit in around driving, erecting tents, eating, sleeping, trying to find the “good toilets”, removing tents and just hanging out enjoying the sunshine. The ones in bold are the ones we actually physically watched for a large amount of time. More often than not we just heard the music in the background.

The ultimate highlight of the weekend? Hmmmm, I’m going to go with Talib Kweli and Jean-Grae. Their set was amazing. DJ Chaps (sp?) was “crazy on the turntables” and at the end Kweli invited up B-boys and B-girls to show their stuff on the stage. The stage was then packed with awesome dancers including Imon Star, his sister Deva Mahal, even the Cuban Brothers came back out to show off their awesome breakdancing skills. Kweli also set up a theme for the rest of the festival. He spoke about and dedicated part of his set to rapper/producer J Dilla who died recently. Then Hollie Smith during her set mentioned J Dilla before a song she wrote about losing someone and later during Kora’s set one of the guys was given a t-shirt from the audience that read “J Dilla 1974-2006”.

The Cuban Brothers (who are apparently from Scotland) were also a big draw with their funk and hip-hop covers. Ooooooweeeee.

“It is such a beautiful and sexy night. Just reach out and touch the person next to you. Touch them, they won’t mind”

Then the next night was Kora. I had not seen Kora live, but all day people were buzzing about them. “They are amazing live I can’t wait to see them again”. “Have you seen Kora live? They are evangelical!” etc etc.

Well we did see them, and they were a-freakin-mazing! During their final song, right in the middle, they just froze. All five of them, like someone had pressed pause. The crowd went insane. Seriously, insane. It was the most amazing thing to watch. They held it for what seemed like 4-5mins and then the drummer moved, hit the beat, and they were straight back into it.

Fat Freddy’s were good but didn’t seem to have the energy that they had at Hula Laguna last weekend. They went big for two songs: a new song that I think is called Shiver Man(?) and is awesome to dance to and Roady (which is my favourite song). For Roady they brought on Ladi 6, P Diggs, Imon Star (again), Deva Mahal (again), and Hollie Smith even came out at one point as well (I think it was her).

Deva Mahal and her brother (Imon) were the hardest workers at Splore as far as artists go. She sang with Sola Rossa, Freddy’s, Hollie Smith and Olmecha Supreme (and probably a whole bunch of others we didn’t see). He sang with Nomad, Freddy’s, Olmecha Supreme (and probably a whole bunch of others we didn’t see).

On the second day we actually skipped out to Kaiaua to find some non-clogged non-overflowing toilets. We found them and then had Fish and Chips at the best fish and chip shop in New Zealand on a beach that was practically deserted.

All in all a brilliant weekend. On the way back down the country we stopped at Taupo for a swim and then I spent most of Monday in a half-sleep haze.

Am I going to go again? Yes! Will I drive up? Probably but I would suggest taking a day off either side if you live further away than Auckland. Still so very sleepy.

On a final note it did seem weird travelling all the way up the country to see bands that we can see in Wellington a fairly regular basis (Deva every Wednesday at Hope Bros etc), but man, that beach was nice!

[General] The pen sure is bloody mighty!

Who knew that crappy drawings could cause so much trouble? Both South Park and those anti-Islam cartoons were hardly great works of art. At least South Park is funny.

Max Recruitment managing director Patrick Quin has pulled his $6000 per month advertising from TV3 after the station decided to play the South Park episode with the bleeding Virgin Mary.

Mr Quin said the television station should spend more time checking the demographics of advertisers and less time studying the demographics of their audience.

Actually TV stations couldn’t give a shit about advertiser demographics. The audience brings in the advertisers not the other way around. Maybe Mr Quin should spend more time studying TV3 audience demographics.

"I am not only insulted as a Catholic but as a husband and a father," he told NZPA.

Mr Quin said it was ironic that, as he did not attend church, he was unaware of the protest the church made in the weekend.

Actually I don’t think that is “irony”, its coincidence. If Mr Quin had not been aware of the protests how did he hear about the episode at all? The closest thing to irony in this (and I don’t think its irony because I think it was carefully planned) is that Mr Quin will receive more publicity for this story than his $6000 a month.

Oh well at least it wasn’t Christian lobby group intimidating advertisers.

Speaking of idiots: Someone has poisoned a 300 year old pohutukawa on Great Barrier Island. The locals think they know who did it and want to burn down that person’s home. This is a little drastic, maybe just drill holes in him/her and pour in illegal poisons. That seems fair.

[General] Laughs Out Loud

When you come back from holiday and are so very tired it's nice to see a photo like this:



Thanks Kung Fu Monkey!

Away

Sorry for the lack of posts.

Also we are off to Splore tomorrow so there'll be none until next week. But we'll try to get photos!

[General] Quick story for the morning

On the weekend I was told a story about a friend of mine. The friend shall remain nameless though she knows who she is.

This friend had been to see gay cowboy flick Brokeback Mountain. Afterwards she was recounting her thoughts on the film to her flat. Here is a snippet of that conversation.

“During the first man-on-man sex scene all the men in the audience stiffened up”

“How could you tell?”

“You could just feel it…”

Hee hee.

[General] Hula hula!

What a weekend!

It bucketed down on Friday night but we were too drunk to really mind. It was ours friend’s leaving do and we were all in high spirits.

Saturday involved a lot of relaxing. Amy went shopping for my birthday present! Hooray! And got to listen to our first ever podcast.

D’you like how I slipped that in there? Me, Mike and Dom are doing a rugby podcast. The first ever southern hemisphere rugby podcast in the world!!! All the details are at the official Dropkicks blog, including such burning topics as: how to get the podcast.

The first one was a bit long but we’ll cut that down over the next few weeks (especially because I won’t talk about American Football again).

Then Sunday was Hula Laguna and the Late Night Luau!

The “ultimate Hula bar” was a bit of a let down (the only “exotic cocktails” they served were pre-mixed rum and cokes) but the rest of the day was awesome. The rain stayed away (which I know believe is mainly due a sheer force of will from Wellingtonians so they can enjoy outdoor events) the wind was a little chilly but dropped away when Fat Freddy’s started.

The Drop were much better at the Laguna than they were at Petone a few weeks ago. They had more energy or something. They also had Ladi Six for Roady (my favourite song) which made it SO much better.

I also got to watch the first three episodes of Firefly. Finally. Our video store has just got the set in and so now we are working our way through them. Man that Jewel Staite (Kaylee) is CUTE!

And lastly for this short post: I had a look at what I wrote about last year’s Superbowl. I found this little gem tucked right at the bottom.

Well the season is over, except for the Pro-Bowl. Next year I predict that Superbowl XL will be between the Philadelphia Eagles and the Pittsburgh Steelers. You can hold me to that.

I got one half of that one right!

[Breakfast of Champions] Part 2: Café Milli

This weekend while out and about we decided to stop in at Café Milli in Island Bay (formerly the Island Bay Café). Low and behold this Turkish themed café had a big breakfast! So with my quest in mind I boldly ordered it. Actually the menu had it labelled as “bacon and eggs” but considering the list of ingredients below this was quite a misnomer and so I let that slide.

For $13 I got two (2) kransky sausages, two (2) poached eggs, a slice (1) of ciabatta toast some bacon (it’s hard to get an exact amount), a tomato (served a two halves) and, get this, wedges. I took a photo with Amy’s phone but it didn’t work right.

At first I thought that wedges were a good idea. I’m not sure if they are a staple of a Turkish breakfast though. Unfortunately they suffered the same fate as the hash browns of Epic: they were not homemade. They seemed like they were straight from the Watties factory.

Oh, well. The rest of the breakfast was passable, but not extraordinary. And I was left feeling hungry. I even finished Amy’s kebab. I was asked how I wanted my eggs, which is always nice. The tomatoes were cooked quite nicely and came with a nice basil pesto thing and I actually ate one of the halves (which is amazing for me). Oh, and I know I’m not reviewing this part but, the coffee was pretty bad too.

Overall Score: 6: Could try harder.

[General] What's goin on here?

There have been no posts because of two reasons.

1. My paying job has required a lot of my time
2. I have been working on a project with Dom and Mike

There will be more info on the project tomorrow.

Mahalo

Ps. this was written under the intense pain and nausea of a migraine. Consider yourselves lucky.

[Sport] Thanks for all the help Australia

Welcome to the World of Stupid Australian Ideas about Rugby (WSAIR).

It seems that every day Australians are coming up with zany “whacked out” ideas about what would be good for rugby. Bless their little [black, cold, emotionless] hearts.

Jerseys with no numbers

The New South Wales Waratahs (I believe it is once again in vogue to have the place in the team name) are going to try out their new playing strip in a pre-season game against the Canterbury Crusaders this weekend. Most notable about the powder blue uniforms is the absence of numbers on the back.

The numbers have been replaced with the players’ initials. So Loti Tuqiri (pictured) has LT on his back instead 11. The number is now situated on the left leg of the shorts. For those with a hyphenated surname the initials are of their surnames (i.e. Sam Norton-Knight is NK). Luckily for the ‘Tahs there are no double-ups, though they may have to be selective about who they hire in the future.

"We felt there was too much fixation, internally and externally, on the numbers the players had on their backs," Waratahs head coach Ewen McKenzie said. "The players shouldn't be inhibited by their run-on number. The Waratahs aren't about who plays 10 or who plays 13 because those positions are only temporary on the playing field."

It is then a bit ironic that at the bottom of the Waratahs’ own page on the subject they have their players listed by number and not position.

The numbers are there for reason retards! It’s not for you; it’s for people watching the game. This means: fans; commentators and referees.

What about the #8? Does he still have to wear a number?

Young players

The new Western Force franchise wants to have 17 year old David Pocock on their team roster. The Australian Rugby Union and the International Rugby Board do not allow players younger than 18 to compete in senior tournaments (probably why they are called SENIOR tournaments). And so Pocock has to wait another year. What a sad story. The ARU, and hence the IRB, must be monsters!

Zimbabwe-born flanker David Pocock, 17, isn't in Coach John Mitchell's playing squad of 28 for tomorrow's pre-season match against the Blues in Auckland after an Australian Rugby Union (ARU) ruling that no one under 18 can play senior rugby.

Pocock said: "When I was on the field I didn't feel intimidated at all. If you're good enough, you're old enough.”

David has missed the point somewhat. Seventeen year old boys are still developing physically and mentally. If you’re good enough, then you’ll still be good enough in a year.

Why does the Western Force think that taking a high school kid is going to make their team better? Let’s look at Maurice Clarett. He wanted to join the NFL, he was too young. A year later when he finally joined he sucked and was dropped before playing a game. He was later arrested for some stupid criminal thing. The NBA is loaded with high-school players who are loaded with talent and then suck when they get to the senior level.

Just let the boys mature a bit before making them run into the tacklers.

Pacific Tournament

In late 2006 the Australian Rugby Union voted against New Zealand and for Japan to get the hosting rights for the 2011 Rugby World Cup. NZ won that bid.

After we noted the knife in our back from our closest neighbours we asked: “et tu Australia?” Australia replied: “We did it for the good of the game, to make it more international”.

Not long after that decision the ARU made another one: to pull out of a yearly IRB tournament designed to help smaller rugby nations (like Japan). How ironic.

The new tournament is part of a £28m [NZD$72.5m] IRB investment programme for developing countries.

"This competition presents a marvellous opportunity for the 60 best locally-based players in each union to gain experience in a higher level competition and press their claims for national selection", said IRB's Bob Tuckey.

New Zealand is still in it. Our Junior All Black team (which is actually just the B-squad) will play against Japan, Fiji, Tonga, and Samoa, all the time gaining good international experience. As will their opponents, but most importantly it will bring in money to the smaller Pacific unions which desperately need it.

Thanks for the help Aussie. Maybe you should just stick to cricket, go ruin that.

[Sports] A Laveranues Coles Gathers No Moss

At the beginning of the free agency last year (2005) the Jets traded Santana Moss to the Washington Redskins for Laveranues Coles. It was a straight swap; the first one in ages. At the time pundits and commentators (and bloggers) were undecided as to who the better player was and which team made the better decision.

At the end of the regular season everyman and his dog was saying what a big mistake the Jets had made trading away Santana as he ended up going to the play-offs and had 1,483 yards (the second highest).

Gregg Easterbrook, NFL.com’s Tuesday Morning Quarterback, started a “Laveranues Coles watch” to gauge what the two players did (it was originally a “Mike Nugent watch” but this was stopped after the player he was compared to, Doug Brien, was released by the Bears). This week TMQ posted his final in the LCW series:

Laveranues Coles Watch (Final): Coles demanded to be traded from Washington because, inexcusably, the Redskins offense was not designed solely for the purpose of getting Coles stats. In his new home at Jersey/B, Coles finished the season with 845 yards receiving and five touchdowns. His replacement at Washington, Santana Moss, finished with 1,595 yards receiving and 10 touchdowns.

But let’s assume that the Jets couldn’t see into the future (if they could they would’ve protected their QBs a bit more). Below are Santana Moss’ career stats:

RECEIVING
Year	Team	G	GS	No	Yards	Avg	Lg	TD	20+	40+	FD
2001	New York Jets	5	0	2	40	20.0	33	0	1	0	2
2002	New York Jets	15	3	30	433	14.4	47	4	8	1	20
2003	New York Jets	16	12	74	1105	14.9	65	10	17	5	49
2004	New York Jets	15	14	45	838	18.6	69	5	13	6	35
2005	Washington Redskins	16	16	84	1483	17.7	78	9	24	10	60
TOTAL		67	45	235	3899	16.6	78	28	63	22	166

And here are Laveranues Coles’ career stats:

RECEIVING
Year	Team	G	GS	No	Yards	Avg	Lg	TD	20+	40+	FD
2000	New York Jets	13	3	22	370	16.8	63	1	6	1	16
2001	New York Jets	16	16	59	868	14.7	40	7	14	1	42
2002	New York Jets	16	16	89	1264	14.2	43	5	19	2	67
2003	Washington Redskins	16	16	82	1204	14.7	64	6	21	3	54
2004	Washington Redskins	16	16	90	950	10.6	45	1	10	1	52
2005	New York Jets	16	16	73	845	11.6	43	5	6	1	52
TOTAL		93	83	415	5501	13.3	64	25	76	9	283

Santana’s average yearly statistics without the 2005 stats are (rounded to nearest whole number):

38 catches for 604 yards (17 yards per catch) and 5 touchdowns

Laveranues’ average yearly statistics without the 2005 stats are (rounded to nearest whole number):

68 catchers for 931 yards (14 yards per catch) and 4 touchdowns

And if we have a close look Coles’ 2005 stats are very similar to Moss’ 2004 stats. And Coles was playing with a third string QB!