A footballer by any other name...

Frank and Wayne. These are not names that inspire. Nor are they names that seem to fit with the phrase “the beautiful game”.

Christiano Ronaldo. Now there’s a name that makes you think of inspired football played with flair and brilliance. And he certainly is acrobatic.

I believe that England’s path to glory (and now they have four years to plan) is to collect a group of players with AMAZING names. Names so astounding, that they literally scare the crap out of their opposition.

And it wouldn’t take a search of the English ranks; (currently the craziest English name is Rio) all they need to do is steal players from other countries.

Might I suggest Netherlands forward Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink? Or perhaps Ivory Coast striker Aruna Dindane? Or the American Brian Wolff?

With players like these England (or indeed any team) could never lose. Then again one Brazilian striker scored at a rate of one goal every three minutes. His name? Fred.