Who has got the cure for the sit-at-home blues? Ask Dr Grabthar. Now with bigger, easier to read font!

Friday, January 21, 2005

Life in the Cubicle: part 1

As Jose’ once aptly put it, “Ah ha, do I sense the desperate fumblings of a man trapped in an office with nothing to do?”

Yes he does. Although “desperate fumblings” sounds like the type of thing high school kids do on dates. Jose’ is referring to a case I found on the internet wherein I discovered that the CE of Zespri is Tim Goodacre. Goodacre, get it? Of course you do it’s a simple agricultural connection. What may be harder is the following.

I have seen an image of Jesus in the Beehive. I am not lying. The bottom three levels (above the fat bit at the bottom which I assume is for the politicians to sit and gloat and they generally need all the gloating room they can get) yesterday were hit with just the right lights and cloud formation so as to reflect to my eyes an image of God’s son. Albeit a Jesus wearing some sort of futuristic sunglasses, but definitely some long haired guy with a goatee. Go ahead make jokes and laugh if you want, but one fact remains, I am very bored. But seriously I am not quite sure what to make of it. Does this obscure image imply the presence of a higher power or just the old ‘humans are built to see faces everywhere’ piece of psychology. What worries me most is, as I started writing the bells of the cathedral across the way have started ringing, and not just for midday. Man they are annoying. Where was I? Oh right God. If Big G is “out there” then why would he show himself through a vague representation in an ugly capital building in the Antipodes? I don’t know and maybe that’s why he’s God and I’m me. God doesn’t work from a cubicle. I’m sure Heaven Inc is open plan and everybody has those scooter things and Frappacinos.

Also yesterday I saw what at first (and first was like a minute) I thought were UFOs. I saw three glowing ovals moving in arc pattern, sort of like when a firework explodes (which was my second thought). They then floated horizontally in a strange manner; this was quite a strange thing to witness. The ‘main’ one then narrowed and I was able to see that they were in fact seagulls caught in the glow of the sunset. Side on to me their black wings were invisible and the glow was such a bright yellow I could not make out any detail (it was still hard to see them when I knew they were gulls). It is of little wonder to me now that people all over the world have seen strange things. For a brief time yesterday I believed I was seeing UFOs and that I would be branded as a mad man. As it is I will just have to be branded the madman without getting to see any UFOs.

My main thought when I saw those Gulls/UFOs was if they were actually UFOs what I would have done. Because I am currently at work this thought has returned. As a keen timewaster I used the British UFO Research Association, they were surprisingly no help. The best you can do is report it apparently.

Aliens: Greetings Earth-Man we bring technologies beyond your comprehension

Me: I will have to report this

Aliens: Er…(uncomfortable shuffling) look this was just meant to be a social thing

Me: Sorry there’s no other way

Did the Greatest American Hero “report it”? No way! With hair like that the authorities would have no choice but to lock him up. Did Richard Dreyfus report it? Yeah and look what happened to him, actually he had kinda the same hair, (this is important this means something). Maybe Jose’ you and your curly locks are destined to meet aliens. Still better you than, say, Paul Holmes (name picked at random).

Aliens: Greetings Earth-Man we bring technologies beyond your comprehension

Paul Holmes: Yes, but look, how does this affect… blah blah blah self indulgent wank blah blah balh…

Aliens: Destroy him Kremlar!

Kremlar: Yo-ho Penguin! (or words to that effect)

As you can see my train of thought has derailed somewhat.

What I think I was getting at was, I do not always have things to do at work and so I think it would be a good idea for you guys to send me stuff that I can write about mainly for mental health reasons. I do not know if this will be humorous or not, looking at what I have written more often it will be not, but it will be, and this is important, something to do. I will try to do one a day. Yeah I know, stop laughing, but I am really bored and this only took me about an hour or so. It will contain no specifics about work coz I don’t wanna get in trouble.

Ok then. I’ll see you all later then.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Ha-HA! First comment on grabthar's hammer, and it's an anonymous one. The dilemma: do I say who this is, or do I leave you in eternal perplexity? Nyah...eternal perplexity it is.

Oh, and it looks like you've rediscovered Nominative Determinism (do a search in Google and you'll find Goodacre is one of but gadzillions of examples).