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Wednesday, May 18, 2005

[General] An Ode to Idiots

What are blogs for?
They are for:

  • Longwinded and often poetic diaries of (usually ordinary) peoples lives
  • Political and media commentary
  • Humour
  • Ranting and venting ones spleen.

It is this last genre of blog that I am about to write today (but as a poem).

In a similar vein to the Lists of Fury written previously, I bring you: What the hell are people thinking! – An ode to idiots.

Hurry home, hurry home, I urged my car,
The Quiz has now ended, and we have to go far.

The quiz is in Thorndon and we live in Melrose,
Over the hill and down long windy roads.

Where drivers do not slow down for corners like these
In fact just this morning I was nearly hit by a Mercedes.

He saw me, but still cut the corner
I slammed on my brakes and laid on the horn(er)
[sorry for the crap rhyme]

He drove off regardless and I thought to myself
“This better be the worst of it or else…”

That morning you see, I had just been to the vet
To take in my cat again who fights our neighbours pet.

But, back to my mad dash from the quiz we had lost,
I rush home from these things no matter the cost.

For on Tuesday at 10 is a wonderful show,
Full of light and humour and brows that are low.

With Jeremy Wells delivering the punch,
I admit I’m a sucker for Eating Media Lunch.

So I turned on the telly and waited for EML heaven,
And I sat through the end of Police Ten-7.

But during the ads (amidst the promotion and sex)
Was a message “Matthew&MarksRockyRoadToTheLandOfTheRisingSun coming up next.”

What did this mean? Where was my Jeremy?
Instead the worst show in the world lay ahead of me.

Two ex-league dickheads, in a Japanese farce,
Trying to be Jack@ss but just being arse.

Thinly-veiled ethnic humour, Howard Morrison-style,
I sat there aghast and up rushed the bile.

With EML gone and the wound all open,
TV2 had come along and rubbed the salt in.

How could they do this? Remove EML?
You hear me TV2 producers? You will burn in Hell!

And then today at work, after I had done all my chores,
I surfed the net to read about Star Wars.

I wanted to know if the hype was all true,
And so I started looking on Google for a review.

Google sent me to one that began well enough,
But then the reviewer began to get rough.

He wasn’t a fan and had never been,
The recent Star Wars were the worst movies he'd seen.

Then to prove that he was better than I,
He proceeded to divulge the whole storyline.

With no spoiler alert, which is often the norm,
He began to describe how Luke and Leia are born.

So movie critic when you get down in Hades,
Say hello to the TV producers and the guy in the Mercedes

For Matthew and Mark, a new kind of torture must be devised,
For those two munters I heartily despise…

And so starts a new competition. Please send me your poem (or leave it as a comment) of Matthew and Mark being tortured. Please circulate this post to your friends so we can get a lot of poetry going on.

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