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Monday, February 14, 2005

You, the people.

Call me Mister Hoi Polloi.
The following post is not snobbery, it is faux snobbery. Please take no offence. If you do get offended you probably deserve it.

Last week we travelled to Kilbirnie for dinner. As we were looking in the window of the Cambodian restaurant we noticed across the street a KFC. I am sad to say that we actually crossed the road and got KFCrap. Needless to say it was terrible. My girlfriend opted for the chicken salad which was full of brown limp lettuce and icky tomatoes. My burger was as to be expected and fries were ok (KFC used to have the best fries outside of a fish & chip shop). I shall not speak, however, of the Twista.

This is a yearly event for us. Once a year we say: “Hey, that KFC smells real good, maybe…yes let’s do it”. Then afterwards, every year, we say: “let’s never go to KFC again”.

Now don’t get angry and start calling me “PC-gone-mad”, I understand that junk-food (or fast-food, as the marketers would have us call it) is by definition: junk. I do not expect nutrition from KFC; I just want it to taste nice. Once-a-year is probably the recommended dietary intake for KFC anyway.

Adding to my inadvertent “bonding with the masses” down at the KFC, I also caught part of this year’s first episode of Sports Café. I belly-laughed during the much-hyped show as the microphones refused to work. When channel surfing brought me back to “the café” I again laughed to discover that the first show of the year had been replaced by highlights of last year. Let’s be frank, Mark Ellis is …hmmm, what word would be appropriate for a publicly accessible blog… a colostomy bag. According to Mark those opposed to the Auckland V8 race were “PC idiots”. Despite the best attempts by Lana Cockroft to explain that perhaps the residents wouldn’t like being put out for three days (and really more like a week); Ellis stuck to his anti-PC guns. Let us end this discussion of Colostomy Mark before it becomes a rant.

I also picked up the best-selling Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown. Read by roughly 6.5 billion people, this book firmly ties me to you, the people. Once finished, I hope to read one of the many “truth behind the Da Vinci Code” books. Many of these seem to include colons (the punctuation not the anatomy) in their titles. For example:

Da Vinci Code Decoded: The Truth Behind the New York Times #1 Bestseller


The Truth Behind the Da Vinci Code: A Challenging Response to the Bestselling Novel.

I also hope to see the common man’s favourite actor Tom Hanks, in the title role of the movie version of The Da Vinci Code. Raise your hand if you saw the Nicholas Cage thrill ride National Treasure as a way of sating your thirst for a DVC movie. My hand is firmly down.

In a vain attempt to distance myself from the sweating, heaving throng that is the rest of “humanity” I watched (finally) Lost in La Mancha To be frank it was a little disappointing.

I also rented and watched the only nine episodes ever made of The Tick live-action TV series. My only real criticism was there was no “Spooooooon!” but there was:

(biting into a fortune cookie) “It's a secret message... from my teeth!”

And of course “spreading my buttery justice over the city”

Maybe if people were voted off it would’ve been more successful.

Still, my people, it was good, if only for a week, to walk amongst you Morlocks before returning to the Eloi.

Yes, I do see the irony of this metaphor.

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