Maybe it won't be that bad...

I know that it is tempting to want to erase the mistakes of the past, to go back and change things “for the better”. In fact, I can almost understand someone wanting to go back and alter the entire 1980’s. As it turns out, that is exactly what they are doing.

Stuff, and previously Stuffo (no relation), are reporting about the Spielberg-produced live-action Transformers Movie. Remembering the glorious box-office smash that was Thunderbirds, I can’t wait to see what nasty surprises the have in store for Optimus and the boys. The classic animated 1986 Transformers movie (Matrix yo eien ni) saw a few horrible changes itself:

• first the incredibly evil and very cool Megatron was changed into a whiney less powerful Galvatron (who was voiced by Leonard Nimoy);
  
• Optimus Prime and many of the coolest Autobots die;
  
• in return we receive Rodimus Prime (voiced by the talented Judd Nelson of Breakfast Club and St Elmo’s Fire fame) who is basically a campervan with flames down the side.
  

The last point makes me wonder: How long will it be until the Breakfast club is remade with the stars of today like Ashley Simpson or Jessica Simpson? If they do make the new movie (and it is almost inevitable now) they should at least bring back all of the original actors in their 1986 roles like Casey Kasem as Cliffjumper and Scatman Crothers as Jazz (o.k. The Scatman died in November of 1986, but this should be a reason not to make the film at all).

This reminds me of a little coup a few years ago by (Marky) Mark Wahlberg. In almost the space of a year he reprised the roles of Charlton Heston, Michael Caine and Cary Grant. I wonder whose performances, though, will stand the test of time. Mark Wahlberg will almost definitely be cast as Rodimus Prime, I just know it.

Staying with entertainment; Hilary Swank is too cheap to pay $200 bucks for bringing fruit into the country. What is her defence? “I am too big a celebrity to see the gigantic signs saying to dispose of all fruit and vegetables”. “I thought the rule only applied to the little people”. “I…I...I never learned how to read!!!(Sob, sob, sob)” She is flying lawyers out from California to contest the fine; does this smack of “way to ridiculous to think about”? I know our exchange rate is good but NZD$200 is still only USD$148. That’s not even 0.1% of her pay check for Million Dollar Baby. I hope she loses, not out of malice but just because it would be funny. She might even appeal the decision.

Lastly, remember that Lord of the Rings movie thing a year or so ago? Still need a little hobbit fix every now and again? How about popping along to see the Canadian produced musical? Here are some song lyric suggestions:

• (to the tune of Memories from Cats)
  Gaaaandaaaaalf
  All alone on the moooouuuuntain
  He just killed a big Baaaaalrög
  Now how will he get down?
  
  
• (to the tune of Modern Major General from the Pirates of Penzance)
  I am the very model of a future king of Gondor
  My name is Aragorn, of the hobbits I grow fonder
  My girlfriend is an elf and her father doesn’t like me
  As I will die an old man while she lives on eternally
  
  
• (to the tune of Do You Hear the People Sing from Les Miserables)
  Do you hear the Nazghul sing?
  Singing the song of long-dead kings
  It is a kind of high-pitched screaming
  While they ride those dragon things
  

And so on. Please feel free to send me what you think will be in LOTR: The Musical.