NFL Football: Some of the Biggest Names in Football

Can anyone tell me the first name of T.J. Houshmanzadeh?

OK now back into the free agency (note: the agents are not free, the agents are expensive, all right?)

AFC
Just in case Tennessee fans thought, “Hey, maybe that Ravens outfit ain’t so bad”, Balitmore go and sign both WR Derrick Mason (as reported earlier) and CB Samari Rolle.

Kelly Holcomb is in Buffalo. Kelly has made quite the career as a back-up and I hope he does well. Cleveland, Holcomb’s former team, has not made the wholesale purchase of ex-New England players I had expected. Ty Law may end there once he realises that he isn’t worth the money he’s after.

Jeff Garcia is still in Free Agent limbo. I am actually surprised by this considering the large amount of teams who do with a half-decent QB, even in a job-share role. Maybe he’s too proud to be a back-up, perhaps back-up QBs can’t score Playboy Playmate girlfriends?

Kansas City landed a big fish in the form of LB Kendrell Bell. Let’s see if this works for them. God help them though if Priest Holmes gets injured again. Can you base an entire team on one player?

Miami has picked up DEs Kevin Cater from Tennessee and Vonnie Holliday from Kansas City. The pundits are saying that they will be the starting line-up. This confused for a long time, a long time. “Where is Jason Taylor?” I thought. Isn’t he one of the star players in Miami? Why wouldn’t he start? Turns out that Kevin Carter is sometimes a DE and sometimes a DT. However, the Dolphins play a 3-4 defence (apparently) and none of those guys look big enough to play nose tackle. I’ll get back on this one, although if anyone knows the answer, feel free to post it (see “comments” below).

New England are cautiously just resigning their old players. How dull. They’ll probably win another Superbowl. Interestingly Troy Brown is listed as WR/CB, this will only increase his price. Although no one has signed him yet.


Oakland cut one of the coolest names in football, yes cooler than TJ Houshmandazeh. John Parrella. Say it like you’re a grumpy Brooklyn police chief who smokes cigars. It comes so close to the greast football name ever, which was created for “Football’s Greatest Injuries” in The Simpsons: Big Wayne Shashefski. Which I have probably spelt wrong.

San Diego has noticed what the Patriots are doing and as such has only resigned players (except for SS Bawoh Jue from Green Bay). “Bawoh Jue” is a good name, it rolls off the tongue so nicely.

Tennessee are just letting players go. They’ve got no money to sign new players anyway.

NFC
Arizona have signed a bunch of people and not released anyone. Of course Emmitt Smith retired. But that seems like it might be it. Kurt Warner has signed on for a short tour of Duty with the “Zona”, which will be good for both sides. By the way, for the record Arizona will win the Superbowl either this year or next. Why? The Simpsons made fun of Dever and then a couple of years later (with a new logo) they won back-to-back Superbowls. The Simpsons made fun of Dallas and they won a whole bunch in the ninties. Recently they made fun of Arizona, and this year Arizona has a new logo. I’m telling you, watch out.

Atlanta has picked up two new kickers, punter Toby Gowin from the Jets and Todd Peterson from the 49ers. What kind of tactics are they dreaming up…”Cool next season I want us to kick more, maybe even on first down!”

Carolina, if it has enough money, should get Plaxico Burress to replace Mushin Muhammad (Steve Smith is a punk) and then march to the Superbowl. The Panthers are a real team with “heart”.

Detroit has picked up Colts TE Marcus Pollard. Does this mean they are going to look a bit closer at Jeff Garcia? He’s quite good throwing to TEs. I should point out that I am not a Jeff Garcia fan, far from it. But he isn’t bad enough to pass over especially if you are looking for a good back-up.

Look at dirty old Minnesota. Now they have Napoleon Harris, Pat Williams and Fred Smoot (Smoot is a cool name as well). No more Blockbuster Offence, Lacklustre Defence. Just a quick question for those who want to answer: who do you like more, Daunte Culpepper or Donovan McNabb?

New Orleans got themselves a decent OL in Jermane Mayberry. Now the question is will he have a decent QB to protect?

OT Kareem McKenzie has been traded but won’t have to change address because he has gone from New York to New York. Wonder how he’ll feel guarding Mr Self-Important: “Evil” Eli Manning?

Philly has signed players from Philly. How dull.

San Francisco, the city my friend Doug said “Rocks Arse!” [to those wondering: yes it was a positive comment]. They have the first draft pick. Who are they going to take? Which position is crying out for help in the city by the bay? The answer is: any of them.

Nobody else has done anything that interesting.

Remember to enter the competition for coolest team name. Entries to grabtharsblog@gmail.com
Mahalo