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Monday, June 19, 2006

Someone you don't care about

Her name is Lisa Lewis. She is 25 years old and lives in an apartment near the beach in Mount Maunganui. Lisa’s parents split when she was one year old and she went to 14 different schools. She has an 18 month old son called Jaden. Lisa runs a Tauranga-based business called The Personal Assistant – a network of personal shoppers, planners and organisers (though in some articles it is a wedding planning business).

Lisa has also had some plastic surgery. We definitely know that she has fake augmented breasts. Oh, we also know that she just made roughly $4,000 by selling her bikini on TradeMe.

How is it that I know so much about some retard that ran across the field in a rugby test? Am I some weirdo who stalked her, rummaged through her rubbish bin looking for clues, and digging up past boyfriends? No, I just read the paper and watched the news.

A search for “bikini” on Stuff reveals 11 articles about Lisa and two Articles on reader feedback about Lisa (and a DVD review of Into the Blue (starring Jessica Alba)). Seriously, how much do we, the public, need to know about Lisa? Hell, I don’t even need to know her name!

There should have only been one article about her (or even just one paragraph in an article about the game) and it should have said:

A female streaker ran on to the pitch in the final minute of Saturday’s test match between Ireland and New Zealand. She was arrested for disorderly conduct and will have to pay $330 in fines and court fees. Prosecutor Sergeant Bill Cronin said the streak was a planned move and that she had gone to the stadium carrying the sneakers she wore when she ran on to the pitch. She is also banned from attending games at Waikato Stadium.

The NZRU has (finally) come out and said that they are pissed off by the media hype surrounding Lisa. And fair e-bloody-nough!

This is the perfect example of the media running with something that was pretty stupid to start with. See this all actually started with the Tana Umaga handbag incident. This kept escalating through the media trying to one-up itself over and over. At one point there was a handbag related cartoon everyday in the DomPost as well as hundreds of very unfunny emails. A Google News search for “handbag rugby” gives me 366 articles (I didn’t use Stuff because it broke-down on me).

But after the handbag sold for roughly $20,000, and got lots of screentime (including, on TV3 News, live updates on the sale during the final hour of the auction), it was almost natural for the media to focus on the camera-friendly Lisa when she announced that she would be auctioning off her bikini.

The public have taken it with a mixed reaction. The following come from the above mentioned reader feedback on Stuff.

Lisa Lewis's actions in putting her bikini up for sale on Trade Me are that of a desperate attention seeker. The bikini should be removed from Trade Me as she is attempting to profit from a pre-meditated illegal act.
Peter Findlay

Willing seller, willing buyer. All perfectly in line with free enterprise. Well done girl! Streak in peace.
Ben Cheah

Why is the NZRU making such a big deal about a streaker? It's entertainment, all part of the spectacle. These guys need to pull their heads out of their arses. People do fun things at the rugby. Its mostly all good natured. That's why the Hong Kong sevens are such a huge success.
Tim Warne

This person has broken the law and did so deliberately for personal gain and should be charged. The fact she may have a "record" is her own doing! She's made a very lumpy bed for herself and should be made to lie in it. Also, the streakers of past games did not do so for personal gain, and those days have long gone.
Gwen Foster

How boring. I thought streakers were supposed to run around naked. Tell her to get a real job or next time get her gear of!
Jimmy Nisbet

Why oh why did you publish the story of that stupid woman? Such stories open the door for other clueless dead beats to try a similar stunt for all future games and events within New Zealand. I will also be sending an email to Trade Me requesting they withdraw the auction. This woman was actually breaking the law if anyone cares to check - and Trade Me are assisting her in making money from her crime. Get a life New Zealand and grow up for heavens sake.
Diane van Leeuwen

Most of the comments are negative towards Lisa. The comments that are positive reflect more on the nature of economics (supply and demand) or on the entertainment value of streaking rather than saying Lisa is a good person. And some are just plain lecherous.

It has to be said that there is more than a touch of fetishism in both of these recent incidents. A story about large, burly rugby players with handbags followed by various depictions in the media of the whole team carrying handbags (which were always pink). Rippling muscles and feminine accessories, hmmmm, it’s K Road late on Saturday night.

The next story involved an ex-stripper, with breast implants augmentations running around in a string bikini which she then sells to the highest bidder. Does everyone think that it was bought by a man? Freud would have a field day. Actually “field day” is a way for me to quickly mention the other NZ story which hit international headlines.

I hope that this is the last we hear of Lisa. I just know, however, that we’ll be seeing her on Celebrity Treasure Island soon enough.


Jenn said...

Ah, the Tana Incident .. well the handbag went for 20K, but did you know that it was Chris Masoe that purchased it, just to kill the hype? What a good teammate!

Hadyn said...

What? Is that true?

Hadyn said...

This just in...

The final bid came from a young boy and was fake.

Anonymous said...

A strangely similar story from Moenui's local rag:

Lisa Lewis' streak during a local rugby match has brought a storm of criticism from local residents including some members of her family and her ex-boyfriend. Lewis who ran 13 naked laps of the Moenui South domain while the players packed a scrum was eventually apprehended and escorted from the pitch by her mother who beat her thighs with an umbrella. Hilda Lewis was heard to say "Bloody typical. Here you are showing your skinny white bum to the whole town and you haven't even got the sausage rolls in the oven for the aftermatch function."

Lisa's father Louis Lewis was clearly embarrassed when speaking at the aftermatch where the sausage rolls were tepid. After thanking the referee for allowing the game to flow Mr Lewis explained his daughters behaviour by saying she had spent some time living in Tauranga recently. "The sooner Winston gets back in control of that place the better," he said.

Meanwhile Lisa's auctioning of the Ug boots she wore during her streak has brought criticism from younger sister Melodie-Ann. "They were my boots which she borrowed and never returned the fat slag," said a clearly disgruntled Ms Lewis. "She looked bloody ridiculous in them too."
A Herald investigation has found that the autographed pink Ug boots were sold for $24.95 to an anonymous dairy-farmer looking for something warm to wear at winter milkings.

In a further sensational development, Lisa Lewis' gilted boyfriend Larry "the Lion" Upton has claimed that the breasts Lisa displayed during her streak may not be her own. "They certainly weren't that big when she was dating me," said Upton who said he had come forward with the information reluctantly. "I don't want to spoil Lisa's moment in the sun but I think the public has a right to know that things are not what they seem."

In a pay-and tell interview with the Herald Lisa explained that she is "really just a shy country girl" and that her streak was one of a list of things she wants to do before she dies. Included in the list are the wish to write a metaphysical novel and the desire to have Rodney Hide's baby.
"He was way cool on Dancing with the Stars. Sexy yet vulnerable."

Jenn said...

That is what I heard from a close source, the yes, Masoe purchased it.
True or not? I tend to beleive it but then again, I can be naive! :)

Lisa Lewis said...

Hi! Lisa Lewis here: Hope I am welcome to talk about myself. Actually i am! Excellent: I am glad I ticked of #5 on my Lisa's List. I never wanted to offend anyone especially not the NZRU. I never wanted a criminal record nor my father to want nothing to do with me now like he has done, but that is life. You cant please everyone. As long as I feel as though i never hurt anyone and most of all did not hurt myself it is okay... People will try and tear you down in this life.., and you know what? The onl ay they can: Is if you let them. What will not destroy you will make you stronger. And in times like these, shows you who are really family and who are really your friends. Take care everyone... Lisa Lewis

Hadyn said...

What the hell?


If this is David Farrar again...

If not, um, hi. Nice of you to drop by.

Can I ask, if you didn't want a criminal record why did you commit an illegal act?

After this whole non-story is over why are you pressing it?

And finally, what did punctuation ever do to you that you treat it so badly here?

noizy said...

"As long as I feel as though i never hurt anyone and most of all did not hurt myself it is okay... "

how selfless.

and I should point out that the relentless and ongoing media vomit-fest on this topic has hurt me deeply on a psychological level.

Anonymous said...

It is quite surprising that Ms Lewis hasn't copped flak from her background in unadulterated sluttery instead of this dopey stunt. Not only has she degraded the national game with this dodgy carry-on, she's dragged the reputation of beautiful Kiwi women down into the hideous mire that she was hatched in.

Also surprising from the television footage is how saggy and haggard she looks - I have it on good authority that she has devoted as much time to
gold digging in East Auckland as she obviously has developing a truly disgusting brand of slapperness.

You would think with the amount of energy that she puts into milking ex-boyfriends for free cars and whatever else she can get her giant tranny-hands on to she'd be a bit fitter - mining, after all, is hard work. Why the orange-peel skin and saggy old maggot tits then?

Nice work on the new GTO, btw, word has it you didn't even need to cop a salty serve for it. That is some class A ganking, right thur.

You are a dog Lisa, get your flabby old ass to the SPCA where we hope you'll be put down - there's not too many people who'd give you a new home, ho.

There's not even a grubby old internet perv that would want to adopt you - all of the intelligent men I spoke to were unanimous in the opinion that they wouldn't fuck you with a stolen cock. Pig.

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