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Wednesday, October 05, 2005

[NFL] Finally...was it worth waiting for?

Look at this. Four (4) weeks into the NFL season and I have yet to blog about it!

Actually there is a good reason for this. Other than being worked to near exhaustion at my “real job” (by ‘real’ I mean ‘paying’) my New York Jets are suffering their worst season since…well, the season before last. But I must, like the Jets, battle my way out of depression and review the NFL as I see it, for you my attentive readers.

I will do this in the style of Grabthar’s Hammer’s resident baseball writer Dom, and go by division.


Like last season the NFC seems to be trailing the AFC in talent. There are four unbeaten teams in the NFL and two of these are in the NFC: Tampa Bay (4-0) and Washington (3-0). The NFC has five teams with three or more wins in four weeks; the AFC only has three teams. At this stage numbers can be misleading, but we’ll use them anyway.

NFC East

The NFC’s eastern division has been dominated in the past few years by the Philadelphia Eagles (3-1). This season they are only ahead of the Dallas Cowboys (2-2). The NFC East may become like its AFC version this season. The Washington Redskins, who have sucked for many recent seasons, are unbeaten on (3-0).


and I cannot emphasise this ‘but’ enough, the New York Giants are on 3-1 and so is Philly (and let’s not forget Philly went to the Superbowl last year). And of the Redskins wins one was against Chicago (1-2), the other two were as close as they could be (a one point win over Dallas and an overtime win against Seattle).

For me the surprise of this division is the Giants. They have sucked since making it to the Superbowl back in ’01, (when the Baltimore Ravens defeated them, 34-7). But with Evil Eli playing better (‘cept in San Diego when he rightly sucked, ho ho ho. “Drew’s your Daddy?”) and Plax catching the important ones they are looking like a threat again.

NFC North

Last season there was some discussion about which division was the suckiest. Without a doubt it is the NFC North this year. The Chicago Bears are leading the division with a 1-2 record! F’r goodness sake!

The NFC North is mainly a division of old teams: the Bears, the Green Bay Packers and the Detroit Lions. The Packers are sitting at the bottom of the division with NO wins from three games (Note: the Pack had yet to play their Monday Night game against the Panthers when this was written, which they lost and are now 0-4). This includes losses to Detroit (1-2), Cleveland (1-2), and Tampa Bay (4-0)! These are all teams who had high draft picks last season. Will this be the season that Brett Favre is replaced? I mean their back-up QB Alex Rogers was considered a possible first pick this year.

Note: Green Bay's Kabeer Gbaja-Biamila has the NFL's coolest nickname: KGB.

And what is up with the Minnesota Vikings? Randy Moss can’t have been that much of an influence could he? At least they are doing the right thing by their fans and sucking at the beginning of the season instead of pretending to be contenders.

NFC South

This is the NFC’s hardest division of late. For the past few seasons the NFC south has produced a Superbowl winner, a Superbowl runner-up, and an NFC championship runner-up. This season looks no different. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers are undefeated (including 3-0 against other NFC teams). The Atlanta Falcons beat the Eagles in the opener. Even the Saints are 2-2 (which is the same record as the Patriots). This division will heat up down the stretch and will probably get one of the NFC wildcards.

This is the division of the New Orleans Saints who will be playing all of their home games at another stadium because of woman troubles. One dirty big woman named Katrina who ruined the city of New Orleans and the Saint’s Superdome. They’ve already lost one “home” game which they had to play in New York. New York, New Orleans, its close enough said the league.

NFC West

If the NFC North is the dullest division, then the west is a close second. The Seattle Seahawks have the “best” record at 2-2. The St Louis Rams are also 2-2 but they lost to the San Francisco 49ers!! Who last season were 2-14 and this season are 1-3, the “1” is, of course, the Rams.

What about those Arizona Cardinals? Constantly one of the worst teams in the NFL, one of the few teams to make a loss and they still managed to beat the 49ers. A lot of people were picking the Cardinals to go the play-offs this season (including me) but they won’t. What they did do is play a game of football in Mexico! Arrrriba!!! An exciting game too, which the Cardinals won (which is good because it counted as a home game). I imagine that the Cards made a decent amount of money on the game too, which they don’t at their real home which is only a college football stadium. Maybe the Cardinals, which is actually the oldest franchise in the NFL, will move to Mexico.


The Colts and the Bengals are the AFC’s two undefeated teams.

Colts: sure why not.

Bengals: Whaaaaa?

So who else is leading?

AFC East

This is usually the NFL’s hardest division. The New England Patriots (2-2) have won three of the last four Superbowls. The New York Jets (1-3) got to the play-offs last season and defeated the Pats that year they didn’t win the Superbowl. The Buffalo Bills (1-3) are unstoppable when they get it together. The Miami Dolphins stank worse than everyone except the 49ers last season, this season they are leading the division with a 2-1 record. The way things are going this could be the worst division in the AFC.

The Jets are my team, so I just quickly wax on about their problems. Their O-Line sucks so badly this season. Curtis Martin only got 30 yards against Baltimore (Blaylock got negative yardage). If your O-line can’t help Curtis Martin get more than 30 yards then it’s time to get some replacements.

Speaking of replacements: two injured QBs in one game? That really has to suck. Brooks Bollinger is now the #1 QB the Jets have. Still no one can throw with a shit O-Line! Watch how good the Kansas O-line makes Trent Green look.

But I’ll tell you what; there is nothing wrong with the Jets defence. No major injuries in fact their all doing ok. So why are they giving up so many points?!? Baltimore with a second string QB scored 16 points against them! (Excluded from my fury are Jonathan Vilma and Kerry Rhodes who are awesome).

Actually that was uncalled for the Jets’ D is as it always has been. Here is a good quote from Bassett on Jets Blog:

When the Jets' defense spots the ball for you on the ONE YARD LINE and you can't get more than 3 points, that is all you need to know about this team...

AFC North

Home of the Pittsburgh Steelers. Last season’s Superbowl hopefuls who got beaten by the Pats. And the Pats are the only team to have beaten the Steelers this season, so they must lead their division, right? Nope. That team would be…

The Cincinnati Bengals.

Yeah, I know it’s weird for me too. But this season I am becoming a Bengals fan!
Note 1: I am not ditching the Jets, just also supporting the Bengals

Note 2: In Australia’s NRL the Wests Tigers just won the Premiership (Rugby League equivalent of the Superbowl), they were also 100:1 long shots at the beginning of the season. Perhaps this is an omen for Bengals.

This division also contains the Cleveland Browns and Baltimore Ravens. The Browns will be contenders next season and should be ahead of the Ravens this season. The Ravens added to the number of criminals in their squad by adding Titans cornerback Samari Rolle.

AFC South

Indianapolis Colts. That who is going to win the AFC South. No contest. In fact I think the Colts may finally make it to the Superbowl. Whether they win it or not is another question.

The Jacksonville Jaguars may grab a wild card but that’ll be hard in the AFC. The Tennessee Titans will be happy to get three or more wins this season after suffering the inevitable salary-cap crash. And the Houston Texans suck and will be over the moon to actually win a game.

AFC West

This season the nail-biting hardcore division is not the AFC East but instead the AFC West. The San Diego Chargers, Kansas City Chiefs and Denver Broncos are all play-off calibre teams and may all actually make the play-offs.

San Diego has stepped up in the last two weeks and finished off the Giants and the Patriots. The victory over the Patriots was especially sweet as it was at Gillette Field (home of the Pats) and was massive 41-17 scoreline. (We didn’t get the game here in New Zealand so if anyone could send me a bit torrent link that would be sweet).

The Chiefs were looking good until the played Philly this week. Philly scored 31 points that were not answered until it was too late. To quote Gregg Easterbrook’s haiku prediction:

Spelling tells all: There's

no "D" in Kansas City.

Kansas City Chiefs

The Oakland Raiders are the spoiler of this division. This season they are the team to break the hearts of play-off contenders. They just beat Dallas, who were on a little roll.

Note: Dom pointed out that in the game Randy Moss caught a 79yard pass but didn’t score a touchdown.

So that’s my little run down of the teams and my two cents. But with all the crap I’ve been saying am I going to cram money where my mouth is? I sure am!

Division Winners:


East: Philadelphia Eagles

North: Who cares…um…Chicago Bears

South: Atlanta Falcons

West: Seattle Seahawks


East: Miami Dolphins

North: Cincinnati Bengals

South: Indianapolis Colts

West: San Diego Chargers

Wild cards:

NFC: Tampa Bay Buccaneers & Carolina Panthers (Giants and Redskins are heartbroken)

AFC: Kansas City Chiefs & Pittsburgh Steelers (Patriots, Broncos and Jaguars are heartbroken)

Superbowl winner: Indianapolis Colts (beats Philly Eagles in the first Superbowl to feature no running plays)

I’ll update this later and find various excuses to wipe the egg off my face. Enjoy the rest of the season!

PS. Jets Blog has uncovered an interesting rumour.

And because all of my posts have to have something to do with George W: try out this fun little link. Click on Little Georgie and throw him around. I always knew he was spineless but never knew he was this flexible. Laura must be a happy woman

All photos used are from NFL.com

1 comment:

Gibbs said...

Fair enough Had, just wanna point out though that the Bengals still have to play the Steelers who still look very strong despite the bullsh*t loss to the naughty, cheatin Pats.
And while you may slurry the Redskins (3-0) for a win over the (weakish) Bears and two pretty tight wins over Dallas and the Seahawks, I might remind you that both of those latest wins were away from home.Its not easy travelling to the other coast after a bye week and winning and nobody likes playing in Dallas. Well, some people do. But then those same people also like playing in San Francisco!! Yeah that city rocks arse!!!