[General Geekiness] Ask the Mathletes (Pt 1)

In this first for Grabthar’s Hammer the Mathletes will answer your questions on various topics.

Dear Mathletes,

My girlfriend thinks we don’t talk enough, but whatever, we talk all the time. I ask her how the Vikings will go this season and whether Roger Clemens ERA will stay below .200. She says we're drifting apart. What am I doing wrong?

Confused in Carson City

p.s. She also thinks Gaussian (complex) integer primes are cooler than quarternions. What’s with that?

Dear Carson City Confused,

We Mathletes know little about the ways of women – other than those of the pixelated variety. Mathlete Ben says “Weird girlfriend, gaussian integers are only two dimensional; how could they be cooler than quartenions?” He says what we were all thinking.

Yours truly,

The Mathletes

Dear Mathletes,

Last week I integrated a complex B-spline over a 4-demensional matrix which I then wanted to invert. But instead of the elegant solution I expected I got an attractive quartic surface given by the implicit equation:

25[x³(y+z)+y³ (x+z)+z³] + 50(x²y² +y²z²) – 125(x²yz+y²xz)+60xyz=0

(a variant of Norstrands Weird Surface).

I need this in order to solve the recent spate of murders in my area. My brother is about ready to give up on me at this point.

In need of your assistance,

That guy from that show Numb3rs

Dear Guy (whose FBI brother was also the Doctor in Northern Exposure),

Ummm…Did you carry the one?

Mathletes

Greetings and Salutations O Great Mathletes,

I have become vexed by a most heinous calamity. My band of friends and I – on a perilous journey of adventure – have become steadfastly stuck. On one side perilous cliffs on the other…Orcs! Lots of them too! Our chief spell-caster has run out of fireballs and we are running low on health potions. Please help us in our time of need!

Your servant

Lord Horlamin Fletcher Greatsoul (Half-Elf Paladin)

Dear Lord Fletcher,

In situations like this we like to turn to our trust 1xD20 and roll some serious shit against Orc armour class. If you guys are puny sub-class weaklings then maybe get your thief’s “bag of holding” (you do have a thief in your party right?), figure out who the fastest person is, have everyone else jump into the bag and away your merry band shall run!

Remember kids, situations like this can be avoided if you use protection.

Mathletes (Registered DMs)

Hey “Mathletes”!

Quit using our name or we’ll come over there and punch you right in the quartenions!

Gary Snidelberg (President)

The World Mathletics Association

Dear World Mathletics Association,

We understand your frustration but in the words of Sir Isaac Newton: “Kiss my Endomorphic Ring”.

Southside Mathletes rep-ra-zent!