Herald, readers, high

At 8.15am this morning the Herald reported that BBC Radio 1 was censoring the word "faggot" in the Pogues, Fairytale of New York. At 9.00am they reported that this was no longer the case. Wow. 45mins is pretty good, except that the articles mention the passing of a day before the censorship was overturned.

Anyhow to keep with my festive theme and my theme of the Herald and it's readers being dim (or maybe just high), the esteemed newspaper/website reported that it's readers had voted Snoopy's Christmas the worst Christmas song.

Snoopy's Christmas features everything you could ever want in a Christmas song:

• a tense dogfight (pun!) over the battlefields of World War One*;
  
• foes coming together in peace;
  
• vague historical accuracy (which is more than can be said of some carols);
  
• simulated German accents and;
  
• a dog flying a plane and drinking booze.

These, mixed with the awesome vocals of the Royal Guardsmen (though I don't about their new version Snoopy vs Osama - that is not a lie), and the fact that it's not religious put Snoopy's Christmas near the top of my favourite holiday tunes.

Here's my top five:

1. Fairytale of New York, The Pogues
2. Christmas in Hollis, Run DMC (note: the Herald had this listed as "Christmas in Hollies")
3. Soulful Christmas, James Brown.
4. So This is Christmas, John Lennon
   
5. 12 Days of Christmas, John Denver and the Muppets
   

But what song would I put as the worst? Well we all hate those stupid "Grandma got run over by a reindeer" parody songs. But I really hate the Little Drummer Boy. I'll show you "parapa-pum-pum", Muthafucka!**

Anyhow here's Run DMC


*Which at that time was just called "The World War"
**no, I have no idea what means either

Lake?

Why I might not trust Google Maps NZ just yet

Something to look forward to

I am SO excited.

American Gladiators

Just for fun

This isn't an angry post, it's just something slightly fun I came across

Out to get me, thin

I have this sneaking suspicion that New World (yes, the supermarket) is saying something about my current physique. Every time I go there to get one of their award-winning steak and cheese pies (made with actual bits of steak!) they are "out" or "not doing them today". This causes me to turn around and get a healthy sandwich from the make-a-sandwich-bar thingy behind me.

I know what you're trying to tell me. Bastards!

My Thursday Night

Those of you who read the newspaper may have seen this picture (10/12/07 page three, top left):

The actor Giovanni Ribisi (My Name is Earl, Lost in Translation) is in town to shoot Avatar and was snapped by local photographer Mike Roseingrave at Mighty Mighty where Giovanni was taking in the Wellingtonista awards. Or so the paper said.

The actual photo looks like this:


They cut me out!

Thursday was brilliant by the way. The quiz was funny. The awards went down very well (even though the Dropkicks didn't win). Me and my fellow Wellingtonistas and were very merry and partied into the night after a magnificent set by the Blam Blam Blams (they played the Doctor Who theme!).

Afterwards a group of us headed to Hawthorn Lounge and ended the night there (with toasted marshmallows no less).

UPDATE: some of the very funny Wellingtonistas have reworked the image even more:



That is the mug of Damian Christie for those who don't know.

Tis the Season

I love Christmas!* And when I heard that there was going to be a Shrek Christmas special, well I just about puked I was so happy!!!!

From the Herald:

Everyone's favourite ogre will make a special small-screen appearance this Christmas, in the television special Shrek The Halls.

Set on Christmas Eve, Shrek finds himself accosted by Donkey, Puss In Boots and the Gingerbread Man, who try to disrupt Shrek's newfound domestic bliss.

All of your favourite voice actors are back too!!! Mike Myers, Cameron Diaz, Eddie Murphy and Antonio Banderas. All of whom desperately need money.

Shrek is not my favourite ogre though, far from it. Still it is hard to pick. I mean do you pick Gustave Doré's baby-eating ogre from Hop o' My Thumb? Or do you prefer the ogre from Orlando furioso who discovers Norandino and Lucina during their honeymoon?


I don't remember Shrek doing that?

*No really I do love it

Other Terrifying Dimensions

In the future actors will be able to chew the scenery to their heart's content because it won't exist. They'll also look amazingly realistic (unlike current actors) unless the shot isn't a close up, in which case they'll look like cartoons. Cartoons that move strangely. Animals will look like they are being moved by preschoolers (especially the horses). But (and this is a large but) it will all be in spectacular 3D!

Of course I'm talking about the new Beowulf. I don't do reviews (Che does though) but I can sum up Beowulf in one word: Shrek*.

That's what it looked like. Apart from the odd close up of Cartoon Brendan Gleeson (best actor in the film imho). Cartoon Angelina Jolie was the other good looker in the film but possibly because she was naked.

Actually Cartoon Ray Winstone gets his kit off as well but because it's an animated film (and hence not really "art") his man-parts were always covered with helmets or smoke or tableware, making the tense, scary wait for Grendel a Mike Myers comedy (another Shrek allusion perhaps?)

But really I wasn't there for the animation (which was ok but nothing really stunning), and I really wasn't there for the actual film (awful as it was) I was there for the 3D!

I live in 3D every day of my life but never knew that depth was so cool. Sometimes the effect was just a cheap trick of a spear or axe or arrow flying out of the screen. But often the 3D was used to bring a depth to the scene which reflected in the characters and helped the animation seem more real (but not quite). The first Grendel battle scene is one to mention; objects and people actually seemed to move in an actual space.

I am really looking forward to seeing this technology with live action films where the bad CGI actors won't distract me. I have a feeling that the 3D will make special effects seem that little bit more real.

Someone asked on Saturday night (before I had seen the film): do you think [Beowulf] will be as groundbreaking as The Jazz Singer?
Tom answered: Possibly, but the Jazz Singer wasn't a particularly good film either.

* Just to clear things up, I didn't like Shrek either

Collect the Set

Over brunch on Sunday Amy and I were discussing religion, in particular the seven deadly sins. You know them right? Sloth, Wrath, Lust, Greed, Gluttony, Pride and Envy.

This came about because I had once again ordered the "Big Breakfast". I thought it wasn't gluttonous, Amy disagreed. A small bit of thought later and I realised that I actually commit all of the seven big ones an a daily basis.

Sloth: as can be noted by my extremely slow script development and multiple unfinished projects
Wrath: um, have you read this blog?
Lust: we'll skip this one
Greed: I want it all and I want it now.
Gluttony: See the big breakfast incident
Pride: I am so vain I think this blog is about me
Envy: you've got it? I want it.

What I was hoping was there might be some kind of discount I can get for having all seven.

What to bring to a Sausagefest

A little while ago I began watching the greatest show on television at the moment: Girls of the Playboy Mansion (aka The Girls Next Door).

The show is all about Hugh Hefner's live-in girlfriends Holly, Bridget and Kendra. Kendra is my favourite.

The appeal of the show is simple: It's a fly on the wall of the Playboy business; it offers a real look at Hugh Hefner beyond his usual public image; the girls are actually engaging; ..........and every now and again they get naked.

During one episode a while back the girls learned some Elizabethan English for a party or something. During which they learned the rather awesome term, "Sausage Wallet" (to be used instead of "bitch" or "ho").

I love this word so much! Please go forth and spread Sausage Wallet far and wide.


Girls of the Playboy Mansion wrap their mouths around Elizabethan English (includes video) [Jezebel]

I luvz mah lolcats

moar funny pictures

Condensation

A while back I switched from watching TV3 to TV1 news. One channel is no better than t'other but TV1 doesn't have Duncan "I suck Nat Cock" Garner. [sidenote: how did he win Best Reporter?]

But Tv1 have started to do something equally as annoying. Every now and again they will glance down at their page notes like they are actually quoting someone or like what they've just said is more "real" because it's written down on paper and not on a teleprompter.

They often do it for the more editorial comments too ("Jones was considered to be a" [looks down] "evil fucker" [looks up] "by many..."), which just make them look like condescending bastards. Simon Dallow is the worst.

Basically I need to stop watching the news.

Dick on a segway

Some guy just rolled down the road, up the wheelchair ramp and into the (small) lobby of our building all the time on his fuckin Segway!

He then went out the other side where someone opened the door for him, and he ducked his way through (yep still on the Segway). Fool.

Retards Need Not Apply

Confirming what I've thought for a long time:

speaking of technology...

I've been burning a dvd now for two frickin hours! That's two hours without music too because the writer does nasty things to my itunes.

I thought we were living in the 21st century man! I'm surprised I don't have to crank a handle to do it.

Work: a bunch of...

Further proof that work sucks, this is from my taskbar:

Bad Film Good

Keeping up with the new theme of this blog, today's hate is Bad Films.

You all know what I mean.

As such I recommend going to see this: Show Me Shorts film festival.
In particular this session called "I See Dead People"

Actually, you know what, just stay for the first film. I hear it's gonna be the best one anyway (it's also the longest).

Ok so this is me...

moar funny pictures

A New Beginning

This blog was once a place that I put up funny things I had read, heard, thought of, etcetera. And of course the occasional rant.

Now this blog is going to become a place for me to vent my spleen as it were. A place for my hate to reside. And it should fill up pretty quick because I have a LOT of hate right now.

You might note the time stamp on this post. I'm waiting for noise control to come and shut down the party in the flat beneath us. Think I'm a crotchety old man? Fuck you. You try spending over two weeks without a decent nights sleep because the retards who live beneath you like listening to awful rap music at ungodly hours. Be cool, go down and talk to them? Well they look like they're running a very dodgy tinny house (not one of those cool laid back tinny houses we all laugh about), and I don't wanna get stabbed.

I rang the noise controllers at 12.00 and again at 12.15 (because you need to wait 15mins and call back if it's still noisy) and then again at 1.00 because it got louder. Hence I have decided that we will move out as soon as we can...ok the noise just stopped. It's done that before though, every time they change CD (see the fuckers aren't even using MP3s!). Ah, see it just started up again.

Mum!

Baseball
Originally uploaded by hadyn.green.

My mum came back from her first real overseas trip in ages (Australia isn't really overseas). She went to England and Paris and a little place outside of Atlanta called Griffin.

While there she managed to score free tickets to the baseball (Atlanta Braves v Florida Marlins). Not only were they free, they were fantastic seats and also got them entry to the "club members area".

Anyhow, while there she managed to almost snag a foul ball and got this awesome photo. If you look at the "original size" you can see the ball being hit. the pic has generated a lot of email discussion with the Dropkicks

MIKE:

the ball would be a blur (see the batter's hands; the ball would be moving around that sort of speed).

Sorry, getting geeky here, but I looked up the typical speed of a baseball hit: 0-60m/s (http://www.iit.edu/~johnsonp/argtalk.html), say this one was hit at 30m/s. The photo was exposed for 1/50s, so the ball would have travelled 30/50 or 0.6m whilst the shutter was open - about the length of the blur just in front of the batter's plate.

Of course, I may be completely wrong - the ball could be in the catcher's glove for all I know.

Hamsters of the Gods

Dear all

Hell Hamsters has been furiously working at that festival wheel!

By July, it had screened or was going to screen at the following festival:

• FantasyCon 2006 (UK)
• HorrorFest (UK)
• Nervermore Film Festival (US)
• A Night of Horror (Sydney, Aus)
• Angry Film Festival (US)
• Zompire Film Festival (US)
• Another Hole In The Head (US)
• DragonCon (US)
• It Came From Lake Michigan (US)
• Rhode Island International Film Festival (US)
• Dark Carnival Festival (US)

Now it will also be screening and in competition at the following festivals:

• Show Me Your Shorts (NZ)
• Terror Film Festival (US)
• Hollywood Film Festival (US)
• ScreamFest LA (US) - in fact it's screening there pretty much at the same time as the Hollywood Film Festival
• Big Mountain Short Film Festival (NZ)
• Eerie Film festival (US)
• Thriller Chiller!(US)
• B-Movie Fest (US)
• Encounters Short Film Festival (UK)

I'm particularly proud that HH was selected for Encounters, as it's the best UK short film festival.

Hell Hamsters has now tallied up 20 festivals - well done all!

Cheers

Elisabeth and Paul

A list of bullet points: Y’know what I hate?

• Reporters copying the press release.
• Bonus tracks at the end of albums that are tacked onto the end of the last song. Especially if the bonus isn’t as good as the last song (see Kings of Leon: Holy Roller Novocaine).
• Mainstream media outlets on the net covertly stealing blog posts.

1 and 3 go together here. When I go to a site like Stuff.co.nz I like to read news, real news, not opinion. Interesting stuff that has been investigated and analysed. Currently I get some good news, some stuff regurgitated from overseas feeds, some stuff regurgitated from press releases and, now, blogs.

Jo’s new blog (and it is a blog this time not an online journal) helps me sum this up: Blogs are Letters to the Editor. A newspaper would never write its own letters to the editor (unless it had no scruples) so why would an online newspaper (Stuff, Herald) do it?

But as for stealing blog posts, I was reading a rugby article the other day on Stuff that was congratulating another Stuff reporter for pre-empting those evil northern hemisphere reports who always claim that the All Blacks are poaching from the Pacific nations. Confused yet? A quote should sort this out:

In a column appearing on Stuff on September 12 headlined Time British scribes got it right, Kayes pointed out that there are more New Zealand-born players in Samoa's squad than Samoan-born players in the All Blacks - debunking the myth that New Zealand gobbles up the Pacific's finest while offering nothing in return.

Except that there was a post on the Dropkicks website on the 11^th that contained the exact same information. The Dropkicks aren’t a huge site (but we are growing!) and so perhaps this isn’t a real conspiracy…except that the post was rewritten by the Dropkicks and posted on the very popular Public Address site the morning of the 12^th. I don’t want to come straight out and accuse Stuff of poaching things off blogs but it’s not like it hasn’t happened before.

I know that a good journalist (or columnist in this case) should always check the sources themselves etc etc, but not even a mention or a “hat tip”?

Burst culture done for the day.

Hawaii

If you really want to know how the holiday was you're just gonna have to email and ask me and most people already have so, that ends that discussion.

If I had to describe Hawaii in one word it would be: Hawaiian

Good now I'll write about some other stuff soon.
(ps. that was a cheating version of a holiday wrap up, I'll put more photos up on flickr soon)

The Photos

Waikiki
Originally uploaded by hadyn.green.

Just in case you weren't jealous here are some of our snaps

More on ads

I felt i needed to extrapolate on the ads thing I put a post or so ago.

Ads are insights into what nations want to be. Hence the we want to be stoic, forthright and a little bit of a larrakin. The Japanese, clearly, want to be insane. The Americans want to be awesome. They want to be as cool as George Clooney and Brad Pitt's lovechild, they always want the best come back. In short, they are George Costanza (in a way).

This is, of course, gross generalisation made after a few days here. but that's blogging for ya. WoooOOoooOOooo burst culture!

Sigh

Well... fuck

Notes from a Small Island

Sometimes it's like we're not even living in the 21st century. Today (the fourth day of our holiday) is the first day I've been able to access the internet from my laptop. Yeah, I know, but it's really hard to go cold turkey.

So, Hawaii.

It's really hot. Like really hot. Not as hot as Japan at the same time last year but wow, hot. And windy. But unlike Wellington the wind here is nice and soothing. Of course there is a hurricane coming.

It's called Flossie and has just today been downgraded to a Category 1 storm, which mean 85mph winds instead of 100+. It's moving just south of the Big Island (Hawaii) and so Oahu (where we are) should be sweet. 8ft swells but still sweet.

Every day (and I'm just rubbing it in now) we've been swimming and sunning for a couple of hours. The water is only slightly cooler than the air so there's no issues when the water gets to crotch height.

I am also loving the fact that it's football season. Amy isn't. Football rules the sports pages (did you know that there are 30 Hawaiians in the NFL, including the Chicago Bears Olen Kruetz?) and the TV coverage.

We've watched a lot of TV actually. given that it is actually very very hot, we like to relax for part of the afternoon in our room with air-con on. Obviously the shows are the same as back home but the ads are so...interesting. I think you can tell a lot about a culture by its ads (you listening MG?). The American ads are very slick (the exception being the local Hawaiian ads) all of the shots are perfect and the production values look high. No expense is spared to fool you about what the product might actually do. The food ads are especially pretty.

But if I had to sum up Hawaii (and by proxy America) in one word (and I don't but I will), I would say: BIG.

On our drive in from the airport I noticed how so many people were driving "trucks". What Americans cal trucks we would probably call "utes", that is until we saw the vehicle in question. American trucks are actually HUGE. You may have seen the slightly large Dodge Rams around New Zealand. Here people who drive those are considered "pussies" (their words not mine). The average truck here is much larger.

Actually all of their vehicles are larger. Cars, motorcycles, 4wds all of them are huge. Possibly to accommodate the people after they have eaten the huge meals they are served.

The chances of me coming back with a tan are slim to none (due to my red-headedness). The chances of me coming back with a giant belly full of cheeseburgers is about 90%.

On our first day here we decided to go shopping (this isn't about food btw, i just changed subjects mid-blog). We walked to the Ala Moana mall and spent most of the day wandering and shopping. We decided before we left that we would intentionally not bring much so we could buy things here, turns out that was a good idea, as stuff is really cheap here. I got two new pairs of shoes for (like) NZD$50 each, two Hawaii University t-shirts for $10 each. I still have to find a place that sells a good range of NFL stuff though.

And the booze (which is what the Wellingtonistas want to know about) is dirt cheap. I'm drinking (good) Zombies and Pina Coladas for $8!

The food is slightly expensive though and I wouldn't want to own a car with the petrol prices.

Oh and for those keeping score: I've already done two tiki bars and have collected one mug.

I'll be back, hopefully, soon, with photos.

ps. Jose and Tom can be consoled that I have already selected gifts for them after missing their birthdays.

Spoilt Rotten

So I don't read Harry Potter. Never have, never intend to. However that doesn't mean I want to know how it ends.

Hello! Movies! (yes they are not the best movies ever, though I really did like Azkaban)

I'm not a huge fan of spoilers. In fact I love watching movies without knowing ANYTHING about them (I saw Terminator 2 without knowing anything or even seeing Terminator 1, THAT was awesome!). But I understand that some people (like my partner) just have to know.

Some people are dicks and will just tell you how things end and ruin them for you without asking though. However, I did find this from danah boyd very funny.

The spoiler who took the cake in the reports I got? The asswipe who had the gaul to rent a plane and fly it over San Francisco/Berkeley with spoilers.

Shit that's so evil it's funny. There's no escape from a guy in a plane!

The weird thing is now you could tell me what the end is and I wouldn't believe you. Too many crazy people in the world have ruined the spoiler. How weird is that?

Actually, I've been coming up with alternate endings for the books. I quite like "Zombie Harry", "Ron screws up a spell and turns into a beautiful girl and marries Harry", and "Harry wakes up from seven books worth of nightmare to discover he's still inside the Matrix".

Please feel free to leave your own alt-ending in the comments.

A little HST in all of us

It's Hunter S Thompson's birthday!

So go out today and celebrate the life of Hunter S. His journalism and social commentary are timeless. So open one of his books, take a stand, live by your own set of rules and most of all have fun, even if it's only for a day.

Blah post

I love it when I'm able to coordinate how I look and how I feel.

Today I am sitting at my desk wearing old sneakers, my (favourite) gray hooded sweatshirt and baggy jeans. Hence: cruddy lookin'. I feel exactly the same.

My eyes are burning, my throat is sore and the glands in my neck have swollen to the size of [insert humorous analogy, possibly testicle related].

So this is the perfect time for me to be busy at work. Ugh. I'm going to the flicks tonight (which will be good) but tomorrow, I don't know. This could be the end.

Nah, it'll just be a sick day. Which is kind of stink, I like to be healthy when I take a sickie (boom boom).

As a quick end note, we're going to see Transformers. Apparently there is a trailer playing before the film for something codenamed "Cloverfield" and apparently it's awesome. Though why it took this long (a whole week) to circulate the internet I have no idea. A week is like a a decade in internet-years. Go here for more info, or less info, it IS a teaser afterall. Oh and an "official" website.

New Tat: The photos

Well you wanted them so here ya go:

FAQs

• Why is it all shiny?
  It's all shiny because I've just put on the Bepanthen to keep it all nice.
• Are you gonna get it coloured in?
  Yes it will be colored in (see below). I have to wait at least two weeks for the lines to be completely healed and then make another appointment when both me and my tattooist are free (possibly August)
• Did it hurt?
  Jesus on a stick did it what! The three most painful places in order (bad to worst): Inner elbow, collarbone, outer elbow. The outer elbow not only hurt the most but also took the longest because Liesje needed to make sure that the ink was not going to "drop out" as the skin there is tough.
  I have to say though that lollies help a lot! I had a bag of fruit gummis and a handful of those gives you a sugar rush that (almost) cancels out the pain. I needed it too as my legs were shaking from the adrenaline after a while, which was bad because you really need to sit/lie still.
• Who is Liesje?
  Liesje is my brilliant tattooist. She also writes for an online magazine called The Tattooed Heart (here is the My Space version).
• What is the image?
  It's from a Moet and Chandon ad by Alfons Mucha. You can see it on the right here. The irises and tulips will be added to when I go in for the next part. So that will be even more pain.
• How long did it take?
  Well I went in at 12.30, Liesje started tattooing at about 1pm and we were finished at 6pm. We did take some breaks though, so 3-4 hours maybe?
• Do you like it?
  I fucking love it! I look so much prettier (which I'll admit is hard to tell in the photos above)
  
  UPDATE
• Can you elaborate on the personal significance of the artwork?
  I have had a love of Art Nouveau for a looong time. I think it may have been the first artistic style that I recognised while growing up (with Art Deco). I also drink Champagne whenever I can. The berries in the basket will be raspberries. My grandfather used to grow raspberries and I have very strong memories of them. Tulips are my favourite flowers (followed by snapdragons) but irises look cool and are more nouveau
• How much did it cost?
  Liesje, like nearly every tattooist, charges by the hour. This piece set me back $450, which was under what I think it should've cost so I'm going to pay over when I get the colour done.

New tat, bro

I believe that the best time to get a tattoo is in winter. This means that you don’t have to worry about sunburn (like I do), there’s less temptation to go swimming and it’s all healed and stuff by the time sleeveless summer rolls around.

The downside is that it’s annoying having to wear long-sleeves over your new artwork and goosebumps under a brand new tat hurt!

Nigerian email scams from Sudan

So this wasn't the most inventive email scam I've recieved (that was about a girl whose parents died during the London bombings), but this little gem from Alexander Kelueljang is pretty good.

Alex fled Sudan to a rufugee camp in Abidjan, Ivory Coast and now needs my help to retrieve his father's safety deposit box. "This box contan (1.8 million dollars) was concealed in a metallic box".

Why I love this particular letter is this one sentence:
"We were advice to live Sudan immedantly as i am the next target of he rebbles that assassinated my father."

I wish that this wasn't a real scam. I wish that if I contacted Alex he would say "Please, I need you to assemble a crack team (of ex-CIA, ex-Navy SEAL etc etc) to pull off a Danny Ocean-esque heist on the National Bank of Ivory Coast. The best time will be during the FIFA African qualifying match due to happen next week. Mr Green, you are this family's last hope..."

48 hour finale

Ladies and gentlemen welcome to Burst Reviews:
Remember "burst theory"? Well this is the movie review version of that. So be warned the post is made almost entirely out of sour grapes.

This may also be one of "those" posts. The kind that mean I'll "never work in this town again", which is weird because technically I haven't worked in this particular town yet. The metaphorical town is Wellywood.

I'm gonna review the finalists in the 48 hour competition, and I'm not very nice about some of them. As such I'm not going to say which film I am reviewing, I'll let you guess which one it is. The list of finalists is here. (oh and I've scrambled my reviews so it's not in the same order as screened...or is it? nope...or is it? nope...but maybe...).

1. What was the genre? I asked. Crime? someone answered. Wasn't it Religious? someone else said. Fuck I don't know, I said, it could've been anything really. I thought the acting was pretty good and I lurved the camera work; but I was just pissed off at the kind of non-story and non-genre. Also what's with not sticking to the PG rating these days? I thought the M rating only applied to grindhouse films
2. I didn't laugh as hard as I did the first timeI saw it (or maybe i did, it's hard to recall) but I think this is a good pure 48hours film
3. it was...alright. I laughed pretty hard at the [famous] joke. This film was weird as most teams did "straight" grindhouse films (funny because they were bad) whereas these guys did sort of a spoof. Looked great though
4. I didn't laugh at all when I saw this film a second time and the first half with it's pieces to camera irked me something awful
5. It just didn't grab me, but I suppose it wasn't that bad.
6. I realised later that the film didn't make sense. They got a joke with the "missing reel" gag but it meant they were able to cut straight to the gory bits without having to worry about the story. It's a fallacy that Grindhouse films didn't have stories, they were just reeeally bad ones.
7. Sooooo cuuuute. The story wasn't too bad either
8. Yeah, I laughed at this. But then I realised what it was...Hot Fuzz. The really straight main guy running a tight ship with his goofy assistant, "fired" by his boss. Even the shots were the same.
9. I had this as my "lock to win" and was really surprised that it didn't even get runner up. Still this is what you get when the guys who sing and produce music for a living get musical as their genre. Loop's Mikee Tucker was in the credits as many things and the actors included Daniel Weetman from various Wellington bands and Raashi Malik from Rhombus (who also has a solo album I think). Oh and it looked freaking fantastic!
10. I hated this film. Hated it. The only time I laughed was at the "What do you call that" line. Improvised crap with absolutely NO story and that we've all seen before in this competition and in numerous mockumentaries.
11. Really really crap and was probably a fluke entry. Though how it beat out Destination Earth, Rope Burn, that film noir one called Crime, Rope Theory and dozens of others, I will never know.
12. At the time I didn't like it but after thinking about it later, I liked it. They also did the "missing reel" gag but didn't lose any part of the story (only some of the plot if we're being pedantic) I'm happy it got in.

Wow that emptied out the old spleen! So this is where I say "Actually, they were all pretty good and most of them really did deserve to be in the finals". And it's true most of them did. Some of them should never have even been considered. You know who you are.

Dum dum dummmmmmm!

Not Genetic

I'm slowly, painfully going bald.

But this has nothing to do with the genetics. My hair is being pulled out one strand at a time (occaisonally in small clumps) by my head phones! Frickin heck it hurts too, which leads to the odd bout of public swearing.

Burstitis

I read Kung Fu Monkey’s post about Burst Culture (and then Warren Ellis’ and then Che’s) and I thought that now would be the time to adopt it.

At the moment I’ve got a stupid freakin’ boatload of stuff on and writing in bursts just makes it easier. It’s pretty much what Martha’s been doing for a while.

So my new rule for web-writing is (be it on the blog or forums or whatever):

if I have to think longer than 5 seconds about the next part of my statement/argument/humorous anecdote then I must be done and will press “submit”.

That way I won’t be stressing about properly covering my ideas, instead I’ll be flooding the place with proto-ideas like a primordial web before the evolution of higher web-beings.

So with that in mind:

1. I really needed a post to go up that could follow the one about Rolly.
   
2. I went into the Sony Store on Willis St a few weeks ago looking for an extension cord for my Sony headphones (female to male headphone jack cable). Dick Smith had sold me one that was 2m long (the shortest available) and was heavy enough to pull the phones off my ears.
   
   The guy in the Sony store said “hang on a sec…” then he grabbed a white thin iPod-esque cord out of a drawer and said “here ya go”. Wow, how much? I asked. He shrugged and said just take them.For that act the Sony Store on Willis St gets a big thumbs up and a wee song: Sony, I wanna thank you for the Son-shine, you gave!
   
3. I told the guy at the Sony Store I had lost the cord when in fact I had left them on the ground and one of my (very very naughty) cats pooed on it.As we left Amy said to me: “we should go back in and say: I lost part of my PS3, it was the bit that you put the disc into, and everything around that”
   
4. Our 48hours film went incredibly well. Incredibly well! We had two micro-dramas (about batteries and sound). We won Audience favourite in our heat.
   
   A lot of people on the crew are thinking that we’ll get into the finals, but I’m managing my expectations. We got Educational or Religious film. I pushed hard and got my idea through: a very very very dry “documentary” about something called Rope Theory (the theory wasn’t my idea). No gags and no jokes, we made it just like a real documentary (albeit about a fake topic). The content was based around a BBC documentary about Fermat’s Last Theorem (but not stolen).
   
   I felt that people didn’t really “get it” during the heat. I overheard one guy saying about our team: “they took themselves too seriously”. Well (fingers) to you buddy! Some of us actually came into this competition to make a decent film not just string together a bunch of gags with no story or script.
   
5. Saw the Flight of the Conchords pilot the other day and I liked it. A couple of the characters bugged me, but let’s see where it goes. Whenever it gets here.
   
6. The title of this blog is from the injury my players always seem to suffer in Madden: Elbow/Hip/Knee Burstitis

Rolly

This my friend Rowan "Rolly" Carlyle.

He is, without a doubt the funniest person I have ever met. We used to go to a pub quiz in Brooklyn (Wellington) and there wasn't one instance where Rolly didn't have the whole team in tears. Here's an example: once we had a long team name and the girl running the quiz told me that we had to shorten it so she could fit it in the space on the board, I went back to the team and Rolly said "we should call ourselves 'Fit this in, Bitch'". You don't have to think that's funny by the way.

All of my friends who met him all say the same thing, Rolly fitted in anywhere and with pretty much anyone. I don't think I've ever mentioned him explicitly here before but he's been in a lot of stories, mainly about Singstar.

Today is Rolly's funeral.

Late last year, while on his first overseas trip, he developed germ cell cancer in his chest. Later on he got Leukaemia as well. That made him the only person in New Zealand to ever get that particular combo of cancer, which made it harder to treat. And on Friday last week his body finally gave up.

In his final weeks he seemed to be doing better. His sense of humour had returned. Chemotherapy doesn't make you feel like being funny.

During one of his better periods, Amy was staying with him and his partner Kelly. Rolly was sitting on their deck watching the waves of Lyall Bay while eating his breakfast. She said how nice they sounded, he agreed and said how they helped him. Rolly used to be a surf-lifesaver too. Even through the chemo and the cancer he was still able to help me and Amy with our problems too. We felt like heels.

This post has rambled a little and I'm not entirely sure how I want to end it.

Rolly is survived by his partner Kelly who knows our love is with her. See ya Rolly, though I'm fairly sure you're not reading the internet right now. Amy never actually minded you hugging her, even though she acted all awkward.

You are definitely being missed.

Bloggeratti

This article is about the panel seminar I was a part of at the GOVIS conference.

(clicking the pic will eventually get you to a big readable version, or just click here)

I'm the one they refer to as "Haydon Green". Haydon!?! Where the hell did they get that spelling? (the correct spelling H.A.D.Y.N.)

A video of the talk is here (scroll down).

Disclaimer: I was not there to represent my Ministry and I did not actually talk to the reporter.

And then the cat came back…

After a week of fretting and worry we had almost resigned ourselves to a missing cat. Then lo and behold he showed up scratching at the door and meowing to be let in.

It's just that the door he showed up at wasn’t ours anymore.

Somehow Hermes managed to get from Tasman St, Mt Cook to our old house in Houghton Bay! That’s some trek. And how the hell did he know where he was going?

And, he’s not even skinny or any worse for wear. In fact we think he might have put on a few pounds. Little bastard.

Anyway, he’s back now and we’re happy. It got quite sad in our house recently. I suppose its good practice for having kids (who turn into teenagers).

Stupid Raiders!

Previously I have said that I wouldn’t talk about sport here but sweet baby Jesus what is going on with the Patriots!?!

In this offseason they have added former Ravens linebacker Adalius Thomas, former Bengals cornerback Tory James, former Dolphins running back Sammy Morris, former Dolphins wide receiver Wes Welker, former Eagles wide receiver Donte Stallworth and former Bengals wide receiver Kelley Washington.

AND now they’ve got Randy Moss. For a fourth round pick! This is nuts!

Last time the Pats got a great but temperamental player it was the Bengals’ running back Corey Dillon, and we all remember how that turned out. All trades with the Pats need to carry that weight with it.

And were the Pats the only team that wanted Randy Moss? What about the Buccaneers? What about the Giants? What about the Seahawks? What about the 49ers?

The 49ers actually traded their 4th round pick for the Seahawks Darrell Jackson. The 49ers pick was 124 and the Pats pick was 110. But trading to the 49ers (or someone like them) would be SO much smarter.

Typing quietly

A hangover coupled with a 8.30am meeting and added to another late night tonight playing in a bowling league that requires drinking gives one an accute appreciation of ANZAC day.

Lest We Forget.

The Producers

I must be crazy.

It's not like I'm writing my first feature-length film script and screen-printing tshirts and bowling in a bowling league and entertaining visiting friends and working a paying job. I have now taken on all the duties of producing a 48hours film.

This is quite frankly...nuts. Don't I remember how nuts it was last year?

This year our team is smaller so it should be easier to wrangle (Ha! now I'm sounding really crazy). Jenn, who was our fearless leader last year, sent me these tips, and I figured I'd put them up for any one else who is in the same boat as me.

• first thing .. book a camera NOW. They are hard to come by when it gets closer to the time...
• Just be organized, as much as you can ahead of time...
• find locations that can double as many types of film ideas,
• get a small idea of what equipment you may need and get it ready ... a couple lights maybe, sound equipment, etc.
• Get your crew set ..
• You'll need a few pa's to help you out .. we had 3 and I kept them all busy,
• get your editor, sound/boom op, dp/director, writers, grip/gaffer (couple of them is best), actor and actress at least .. book a few, you can always find a way to get them in the movie,
• maybe someone to do your still photos (optional) .. etc ..,
• get your post organized ... how you are going to get your stuff from your camera to the computer,and back out to tape .. and then test the system so you don't scramble with the how to on the night it's due ;)
• Get as much stuff ahead of time, tapes, paper, grip tape, possible smoke machine, etc ..
• keep the crew happy, fed, watered, and rested when they really need it. Do all you can to keep them as stressfree as possible, and it will run smoothly :) (hopefully!)
• Think of all scenarios, and what you may like to have, and book it.
• You'll have to guess (with the help of the director and writers) .. what things you want to spend the money on, in case you need them.
• Get your computers organized .. make sure you have them and someone to run them .. Oh, and a techie guy is great for things that can go wrong!
• ...and enjoy yourself too! It is all about fun!

These really are fantastic tips.

Terror-Filled Romp

I can now say that I was the writer on an award-winning movie and actually mean it.

Night of the Hell Hamsters won Best Director at the film festival in Sydney a little while back. Apparently it was tough competition and Paul, the director, was very humble.

But here are a couple of shots taken from that Sydney screening. Seems like we got the reactions we wanted.

Total Serenity

Your results:
You are Malcolm Reynolds (Captain)

Malcolm Reynolds (Captain) 85% Kaylee Frye (Ship Mechanic) 85% Zoe Washburne (Second-in-command) 65% River (Stowaway) 65% Derrial Book (Shepherd) 55% Wash (Ship Pilot) 50% Jayne Cobb (Mercenary) 50% Inara Serra (Companion) 45% Dr. Simon Tam (Ship Medic) 40% Alliance 35% A Reaver (Cannibal) 10%

Honest and a defender of the innocent. You sometimes make mistakes in judgment but you are generally good and would protect your crew from harm.

I really didn't know who I would be in "Which Serenity character am I?" quiz. I suppose anything that would help me woo Kaylee.

Malcolm's good though because Amy thinks he's hot mainly due to his high pants

One last thing...

This from another report about the anti-anti-smaking protest (also known as the pro-child-punching protest):

Police made one arrest, charging a 23-year-old anti-smacking protester - who
wore a New Zealand flag towel over his head and introduced himself as Jesus, Son
of God - with disorderly behaviour, obstructing and assaulting police.

Given the large Christian contingent in the protest I'm surprised none of them recognised him.

Anger...rising...vision...blurring

With all the protests and carry on, one might not see the furore for the trees.

Check out the (roughly) 12yo boy (photo in the NZ Herald article linked above) with the placard saying "Freedom's Ramparts On The Sea". I don't even know what that means, or how to apply it here.

Also from the article: "One observer estimated that the anti-smacking bill protesters numbered more than 500"

Yeah, well I heard that there were a million people there. Idiots (both Herald and protesters)

I began to wonder, if the bill did go through, whether there would be idiots like those who opened bars where people could smoke after that was outlawed. Idiots who would beat their kids half to death just to thumb their nose at the Government.

For more anger causing comments please see the Herald's comments page. James summed it up thusly:

...my favourite ...

"Why not lower the drinking age/the age of consent/the driverlicensing age/legalise pot and meth and whatever else we need to do to send us into the pits of hell."

The PITS of HELL people! (which, I read in the Dom today, that the Pope has confirmed *does* exist).

Anyone get the title reference by the way? Geeks.

Anger management

For health reasons I'm supposed to be keeping away from things that make me angry. But sometimes it's just so hard: Kentucky's Biblical Creation Museum.

... the Rev. Bill Henard, senior pastor of Lexington's Porter Memorial Baptist Church, said that Sunday school classes and other groups from his church are likely to visit.

"I think people will enjoy ... being able to see a different side from what some scientific findings have shown," he said.

Henard said he believes in the literal story of creation, adding that "I think you would be surprised to know how many people hold to a young-Earth creation"

I wouldn't be surprised, I would be very, very pissed off. Unless it turned out to be two. "A different side from what some scientific findings have shown". Well I suppose that's why everyone likes fiction.

The Fall of Man

Evidence: Mr Peter Talley, managing director of Talley's Fisheries.

In a speech to 200 high school students at a leadership forum organised by Motueka High School, Mr Talley made known his views on various issues.

Whaling : The Japanese should be allowed to hunt whales because they were doing it sustainably.

Seals : Seals should not be protected because they catch more fish than inshore fishermen, in particular hoki and cod. Humans should have more rights than seals which were a "very destructive animal". Talley also said money could be made from seals as each one was worth $600 for the omega-3 oils in them. He did not suggest they should be hunted commercially.

Animal rights : When a student asked why humans had more rights to fish than seals, Talley answered: "I don't believe in animal rights. I want to kill and eat them."

Environmentalists : "Fishing is New Zealand's fourth largest industry but greenies don't want it." Talley said the animal rights movement was urban-based and unfairly targeted farmers and meat producers.

Art : Graffiti artists were no longer tagging "Ban the bomb" but "Meat is murder", he said.

Organic food : The organic food movement was riddled with fraud. British supermarket Tesco had removed all its organic produce from its shelves for a period because so much of it was not actually organic.

Non-organic food : 70 percent of beef has growth hormones in it and every time people eat chicken they are getting an overdose of antibiotics.

Genetic engineering : Pro-genetic engineering for the reasons above and because it cuts the need to use pesticides, growth hormones and antibiotics.

I’m not entirely sure where to start on this. I understand that Talley obviously has a biased stand point as head of a major fishing company so some of his statements are, in some way, understandable (“New Zealand [has] a fantastic and sustainable fisheries management system”). But…wow…some of this stuff is just…nuts.

Whaling : The Department of Conservation pointed out that we don’t know of Japan’s whaling is sustainable or not. But above that, just because something is sustainable should we do it? Also Mr Talley is implying that whaling is environmentally sustainable, however, recent reports would suggest that it is not economically sustainable. Moreover, once something is found to be unsustainable it is harder to stop (see current poor fishing practices worldwide).

Seals : Our seal population is still returning from nearly being wiped out. I’m not sure where he gets his numbers for seal fish kills but I’m guessing that the seals are much more sustainable and less environmentally destructive than inshore fishermen. So if seals are killing “too many fish” then Talley’s fisheries management system is missing a large variable in its calculation. i.e. “Our management system is perfectly sustainable in this environment, it’s just that the seals kill too many fish.”

Animal rights : I have never heard a less convincing argument about why animals shouldn’t have rights* than: “because I don’t believe in them”. “I want to kill and eat them” is even less so.

Environmentalists : I’m sure that this gross generalisation, “Fishing is New Zealand's fourth largest industry but greenies don't want it” is sure to create many comments. Like this one from Les Mathieson: “About time someone told the other side of all the green rubbish that gets taught these days.” Or this one from Dan Manson: “The greenies do a good job but at the end of the day their beliefs, are just that. Their beliefs only. In hotter years to come it will be the greenies fault that NZ will have animals running around like they own the places they are living in whilst humans will starve and die due to their inability to be able to hunt, kill, and feed themselves or their families”. Actually Dan’s reads like it might be sarcasm but…

The Greenpeace spokesperson said it best when she said “[Talley] forgot to mention that pigs can fly”

Art : I had no idea that Peter Talley was a follower of street art. Of course, no one has written "Ban the bomb" for a VERY long time (except in a retro fashion). And I’m happy to excuse the "Meat is murder" phrase if he keeps saying things like “I want to kill [animals] and eat them”.

Organic food : To say that the “organic food movement is riddled with fraud” because of a few dishonest companies is like saying that the film industry is full of cheap, poor quality DVDs because of a few pirates. Both industries are actually trying to stop the dishonest versions. Tescos would’ve been right to remove organic produce that they were suspect about until a proper certification. This protects their customers. However, to not reinstate real organic food after certification would just be stupid.

Non-organic food : It’s good to see that Talley doesn’t actually hate the idea of organic food. However, he mentions meat and chicken being full of antibiotics etc what about fish? As a wild catch it is by definition organic. But the “organic food movement is riddled with fraud”. Oh, what to believe?

Genetic engineering : Better the devil you know than…

I dunno maybe he was drunk. Still I hope the teachers at Motueka High School have been teaching their kids to think (I really like the fact that one kid asked Talley why seals had less rights to fish than humans). I hope the kids listened to his arguments and then proactively went and looked for information about the issues. I hope.


*This is a Wikipedia link so the views expressed may be biased one way or another and aren’t necessarily my views.

Testing times

I’ve got a little plan in the works that I’ll lay out here soon, but for now a little angriness.

Here on the Sportsfreak forums some idiot called DArcy is talking about gay sportsmen and women. A fairly good post on the topic was written on the Sportsfreak website a while ago (Sportsfreak is also home to the excellent piece about “New Laddism”).

DArcy claims to have read a book called “'Why men don't listen and women can't read maps” and from that he gives the following:

although the percentage of homosexuals in the general population would suggest that our sports teams should be equally dosed with said folk, this is not the case due to one simple fact. does anyone want to know? it also covers why lesbians are more prevalent in sport.

He continues:

it's a gene thing biff. we all start life as women. after a few weeks in the womb the chromosomes get busy on it and we lean to chick or bloke. blokes hunt. chicks nurture. the more feminine a man becomes, the less likely he is inclined
to indulge in hunting related tasks, ie sport..not as much testosterone you see. reverse that for women....too much testosterone, more of a tendancy to indulge in hunting related tasks.....

make sense?

Nope, but carry on:

generalisation. take an average sized room filled with males and females, generally the males are taller and broader. i base my previous posts on this.

because in the cave days, men chased lunch, we've developed a spacial ability beyond that of women. distance, velocity, angles etc all assist us in hunting, a key to survival. women looked after the kids, and developed superior language skills, peripheral vision etc, more, but different keys to human survival. these tendencies are still reflected in the modern era. eg, men dominate darts and snooker, even though strength is not a key attribute in these pursuits, women can't compete, as they dont possess the primeval skills that we developed as hunters.....

am i still making sense?

I don’t know if he ever was making sense. Gay men don’t have much testosterone?

According to Wikipedia, testosterone’s effect on adults are:

• Maintenance of muscle mass and strength.
• Maintenance of bone density and strength.
• Libido and erection frequency.
• Mental and physical energy.

It also gives you hair and large organs (both internal and external). But no where does this say that it makes you dextrous and able to hunt animals. Sure men have more testosterone than women (in general) and so make better athletes due to bigger muscles, bones, hearts, lungs etc but this has nothing to do with someone’s sexual orientation.

Testosterone also effects libido (more testosterone, higher libido). Even the most conservative gay-hating Christians have never accused gay men of having a low libido (often it’s the opposite). Moreover has DArcy ever heard of “bears”?

Those with a background in biology are welcome to comment (as are those without but please no “un-experts”)

Edward Norton’s Nipple, Dangling Mics and Other Magic

Last night, thanks to the fabulous Queen of the Bloggers, we went to a free preview screening of The Illusionist. I had missed the Prestige and had heard “good things” about this film so was quite excited. I came away slightly disappointed.

Unfortunately someone had the projector set for the wrong screen size and for the first 10mins there were guffaws as the actors looked like fat munchkins. Then to add insult to injury the establishing scenes for two main characters contained clear shots of a dangling boom mic. This meant that the film took some time to get its momentum back.

The beginning showed promise (that is the piece after the projector was fixed). It had the feel of The Princess Bride, which is always a good thing. However, the story felt clunky in parts.

Paul Giamatti stood out (again) from a pretty good cast, with a deep baritone and the most constant accent. And Edward Norton is always good value.

I just found the story to be too predictable and then found the direction to be heavy-handed in showing the audience what they had already figured out. However, the inevitable sex scene did reveal something: the audience are treated to ambiguous shots of flesh and Edward Norton’s four foot high blurry nipple, but no story development.

Also the director, Neil Burger (also the writer), wanted it to feel like a turn of the century film with those “iris in” wipes (I think that’s what they’re called), so he put in two of them, one somewhere near the beginning and another somewhere near the end, but not as bookmarks, just, y’know, when he remembered.

The story is very good but was just told in a clumsy fashion and the magic is kinda cool too. I don’t know maybe I was too critical, other people in the cinema seemed to like it.

iPod hurts my albums

The Raconteurs have become a casualty of my iPod. They were put on there when their album (Broken Boy Toy soldier*) came out last year but I didn’t listen to it, being a randomise junkie, until just recently.

See the iPod has completely changed how I listen to music. I don’t mean that I’m able to wander around town more, but that I don’t really listen to albums as album anymore.

Artists and producers slave (I assume) to carefully craft a collection of songs so as to elicit moods and thought patterns in their listeners or to match it perfectly to a movie**. Yet here I am listening to my homemade playlists and usually on random.

So the Raconteurs managed to slip past my playlists and sat in the bowels of my iPod until one day I remembered them, and LO!, their sound brought great joy to me and my lady.

I have since remedied the situation with a “Good New Stuff” playlist (that I listen to on random). But to create the list I have to listen to the album three or four times. Another case of me outsmarting myself.

*See, it's so bad I got the name wrong: Broken Boy Soldiers
**Seems as a good a time as any to say that I hate Pink Floyd as much as I hate the Eagles

Up to my eyeballs in t-shirts

When I'm not writing scripts or doing paid work (or trying to ignore both of those tasks), I'm screen printing t-shirts. I've got Craft 2.0 on the weekend and I need a decent batch to sell there.

The above photo is just part of my "catalogue". My kitchen is currently filled with screens and ink and squeegees. Drying tshirts are everywhere! I'm REALLY looking forward to Sunday when I'll only have 2 or 3 things to do.

Stupid bastard words!

I hate that the word "fro" is in my spell checker.

And that sentences like "...and fro example..." aren't picked up by the grammar checker either.

Fucker.

Coming clean

With all of the modifications aroud the blog I thought I may as well spill the beans about something. I've been incredibly busy of late and somethings have to fall by the wayside. One of these is a blog I was secretly writing for a very long time and only a few people knew about...

The Batblog

I had a loyal (and surprisingly large) readership and I tried to keep it going but I really didn't have time anymore. Please go over and have a read of the archives, I think they're pretty good (if a little geeky).

Interior design

All "good" things must come to an end.

As such I am changing my template. Blogger has been nagging me about it for a while so I suppose I should (if only to shut them up). So if things look garish around here...make that, if things look MORE garish around here, please be forgiving.

Hamsters still going

The Hell Hamsters can now be seen in Melbourne at the Angry Film Festival.

Tuesday, 13th March at 393 Brunswick St, Fitzroy, Melbourne, Australia at 7.30pm

Hopefully we'll see it in New Zealand soon.

Not dead, not yet

...just got a lot of things on my plate at the moment.

If you look closely you'll be able to just make out that my screenwriting progress bars are moving (and in a positive direction).

I'm still angry at news stories and even more so at the media itself, I just haven't had time to write about it.

I'm still screen printing T-shirts this time to sell at Craft 2.0 (Therein is a long saga about stolen ideas blah blah so I won't go into it).

Tiki Party went well though. Good time had by all. Same with the Carnival(e). Still haven't found a good snap of the young lady on the roof.

And all my sports related items are now spoken into a recording device and posted on the net through my podcast.

So that's all. Back to the paying work. (which is also heavy at the mo)

Tiki-Tiki

At last year's Wellingtonista Awards light rail narrowly beat out a Tiki Bar as what Wellington needs most. Well for those of you who think that result was either a travesty of justice or a "voting anomaly" there is some hope.
This Friday (February 16) Imbibe is throwing a Rock-a-Hula-Tiki-Party. Zombies, Pina Coladas, Tongan Fogcutters, and of course Maitais will be flowing along with anything else that contains rum and pineapple.
The Wellingtonistas will be there so this is yet another chance to rub elbows with the internet celebrities that we are (like the Great Blend but without the social conscience).
What: Tiki Party
Where: Imbibe, Cuba St
When: Friday, February 16th, from 8.30pm

Hamsters marching on!

I teased you about this a while ago but now...

"Hell Hamsters has just been selected to play at A Night of Horror Short-film Festival in Sydney, March 23-25th."

http://www.anightofhorror.com/

www.myspace.com/nightofhorror

Let the pimping begin.

Film stuff

OK I can’t pimp my film enough.

It will apparently be in a Sydney film-fest and also be released on DVD in the very near future (we recorded the commentary a little while ago).

As such I am removing it from my sidebar. In its place I’m putting my two new projects. One actually isn’t that new, it’s a comedy that I’ve been kicking around for a while and I’m behind schedule on.

The other will take some time but sounds exciting. It’s a feature length film about…well actually I don’t know what it’s about, but I assume someone will tell me before I have to write the bastard. I say “I” but it will be the same creative team that brought you Night of the Hell Hamsters.

I’ll keep you posted.